Sunday mornin' comin' down

Disorganized thoughts while waiting for the game to hurry up and get here . . .


One of the mini-perks of this bloggin' gig is the occasional advertising-generated gift certificates from Amazon that show up in my inbox. They've never for much money, $13.14 here, $8.92 there, but I always feel like I'm getting free books when I cash them in, one of the little rewards that make this all the more worthwhile. Lately, I've been using them to fill in the gaps in my collection of old Bill James books. I added all three editions (1990-'92) of the addictive, sprawling "The Baseball Book" for about 10 bucks total, and the UPS truck yesterday delivered James's 1995 Player Ratings Guide, the final year it was issued. You might recall that I used player capsules from his two previous Player Ratings Guides as sort of a quirky quiz in my Fox column last summer, and while the column will likely return in some form in a couple of months, I'll probably discontinue that feature. But for your viewing pleasure - or because you're a certified James dork too - I figured I'd share five of the more notable caps here from the '95 book. All you need to know is that these players are currently active and remain relatively prominent. As always, clicking the link within the clue will reveal the player's identity. I'm betting you go at least three for five:

"I wonder how many pitchers in baseball history have gone 48-16 over three seasons? [He] is one of the best pitchers in baseball, but his years of effectiveness are probably limited. He's 26, but pitches more like he's 33. He'll run out gas within four years, when guys like Cone and Randy Johnson, who are older than him, are still going strong."

"History shows us that there is at least one and normally are two rookies in every crop who will wind up in Cooperstown, My best from the 1994 rookies: [This player] and Ryan Klesko. [This player] had a terrible slump last May, hitting .132, but hit .300 or better in every other month, hit .361 against lefthanders, and played surprisingly well in right field."

"There is every reason to believe that [he] will be one of the best pitchers in baseball over the next few years. His future is unlimited. Many of you will note that when his brother was the same age, we would have said the same thing about him, but that didn't happen, in part, because [his manager] pushed him too hard when he was young."

"Babe Ruth, Ted Williams, and [this hitter] . . . maybe the three best hitters God ever made. Gets on base half the time, has tremendous power, hits .350 . . . what more could you want? He works hard, stays healthy, never slumps. Only weaknesses are his glove and speed. When [he was picked] seventh overall in the the 1989 draft, [his team was] widely ridiculed by the scouting community."

Lastly, this was filed under the back page category of "Long Shots":

Back in the minors, getting his knuckles beat in.

So . . . know them? C'mon, I know you do.

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Six other slightly more timely thoughts:

1. Nice to see Gerald Green is still the same clueless waste of physical talent that he was in Boston. A Friend of TATB who was around the team on a regular basis the past few seasons says he has the maturity and attention span of a 9-year-old, which is why he was talking trash to the Celtics bench after hitting a couple of shots tonight, as if somehow he was avenging some wrong done to him by Doc Rivers. It's also why he'll be fading into obscurity with the likes of Butte Daredevils when the T-Wolves dump him after the season. The kid just doesn't get it, and though he's still young (21), he probably never will.

2. Put it this way: If Tom Brady's ankle injury was at all serious, would Bill Belichick be taking such a light (for him) tone with the media the past few days?

3. I'm officially concerned about Ray Allen. It's gotten to the point that when he squared up for a shot, I'm expecting his to miss, and I never, ever thought that would be the case when he came here. It's probably just a slump, but if he's hurt more than we know, Doc Rivers needs to get him out of there and give him the proper rest, immediately.

4. I like the idea of Klesko as the lefthanded stick off the Sox bench, though I think Brad Wilkerson would be my first choice. As for Trot Nixon? No thanks, Nick.

5. File it under "Blind Squirrel, Nut" if you must, and definitely don't tell Peter King, but I absolutely nailed Brett Favre's postseason gack-job, just as I pegged Roidin' Roger's pathetic postseason farewell. Don't say I can't spot a phony.

6. Finally, we give you the early frontrunner for sports quote of the year, this comes from a former associated of Jose Canseco's, via Jon Heyman's column on the former slugger/man of letters:

"[Jose] is a moron of the highest order. If he could have majored in moronics, he would have gone to college."

Moronics. Hmmm, I'm pretty sure I got a C+ in that at UMaine back in the day.

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As for today's Completely Random Football Card:


Not the rapper. Just the inspiration for the name.

I think I'll go to Boston/I think I'll start a new life

Some nearly coherent wee-hours thoughts on today's nearly completed blockbuster trades . . .


CELTICS TRADE FIVE PLAYERS AND TWO DRAFT PICKS TO MINNESOTA FOR KEVIN GARNETT

Do I like it? . . . Let's put it this way: It's late July, the Sox are in first place, the absolutely stacked Patriots are kicking off training camp, and all anyone was talking about this afternoon was the Celtics . . . C'mon, how can any Celtics fan not love this? All I've wanted these past few years was for this franchise to again become entertaining, good, and relevant, and Garnett makes them all three the very first minute he puts on a green and white uniform . . . Yes, we all liked Al Jefferson a lot, and there is a chance that the T-Wolves could get a franchise-salvaging bounty out of this deal, particularly if Gerald Green ever has the maturity and dedication to match his ability . . . And yes, we know there is more than a little risk in trading the future for a 31-year-old who has worn a lot of tread off his Nikes . . . But I tend to think the majority of people who are skeptical of this trade are the same ones who stopped following the Celtics around the time the Bad Boys Pistons began to reign . . . They're okay with the Celtics' descent into irrelevance, and they probably know Garnett only from the "SportsCenter" highlights, and maybe a commerical or two ("All nude. But tastefully done.") . . . They don't realize that Garnett might be the most dedicated superstar in the game, a selfless, driven, all-around force who plays as hard in a mid-January grinder in Utah as he would against Tim Duncan in the second round of the playoffs. Garnett cares, dammit, and he plays his heart out every freakin' night no matter what . . . Maybe this is hyperbole brought on by the joy and magnitude of the moment, but no matter, because I believe it to be true: Through sheer force of will, Garnett is capable of restoring Celtic Pride, and the alleged and lapsed Celtics fans who don't know this about him are going to be leaping on the bandwagon once they realize what a treat it is to watch this guy play night after night . . . And it will only benefit the Celtics that for all he's accomplished individually in his career, you get the sense that the situation in Minnesota was eating away at him. Despite his most valiant efforts, Minnesota was always undermanned against the iron of the Western Conference . . . With the exception of his brief run with Sam Cassell and Latrell Sprewell, he was always trying to battle the Spurs and the Lakers and the Suns while stuck playing with the Troy Hudsons and Marco Jarics and rosters full of second-tier talent . . . It wasn't fair. And now he comes to Boston and gets to play with Paul Pierce and Ray Allen, who immediately become the two best teammates he's ever had, and who also should complement his skills beautifully? Can you imagine how motivated he must be to prove that he can be a champion if given the proper support? I never, ever thought I'd say this in July, but I simply cannot wait for the NBA season to begin . . . So then, what prompted him to decide that Boston wasn't so bad after all? . . . The Allen deal changed everything, obviously, not only regarding the Celtics' approach to the future - Youth movement? What youth movement? - but with Garnett's perception of the franchise. I think once he knew for sure he wasn't going to his first choice, Phoenix, once he realized there was an easier path to playoff success in the Eastern Conference, once the Celtics dumped his old nemesis Wally Szczerbiak, and once Pierce and Allen began badgering him relentlessly about being their third amigo, he came to the conclusion that this might be a fine fit for him after all . . . Now, of course we do feel bad for Big Al, who by all accounts is devastated by the deal, probably in part because it dawned on him that he'll have to play with the one and only Tyree Ricardo "Ricky" Davis and that scumbag Mark Blount again . . . I'll miss watching him, too. His instincts and old-school moves around the hoop made him something of a throwback. Is it any wonder that Kevin McHale adores him? . . . And I do wish they could have made the deal work without including Ryan Gomes. While he'll never be a star, his smarts and versatility make him appealing, and I thought his ultimate niche would be as a valuable seventh or eighth man on a championship contender . . . The pressure just intensified on Rajon Rondo, that's for sure. Garnett has a low tolerance for youthful screwups, and for all of his breathtaking ability as a playmaker, slasher and defender, Rondo is maddeningly inconsistent, and he remained so in the Summer League. I hope he's ready for this . . . Kevin Garnett, power forward, Boston Celtics. Amazing . . . So when will Michael Wilbon be issuing his apology?

* * *


RANGERS DEAL MARK TEIXEIRA TO BRAVES; RED SOX PURSUE JERMAINE DYE

Looks like my hope that Teixeira would come to Boston and help Manny and Papi anchor the Sox lineup through October and beyond is a few dotted i's and crossed t's from being nothing more than an unfulfilled daydream . . . (Sigh) . . . I have to admit it appears Rangers GM Jon Daniels made out pretty well, all things considered. He got Atlanta's top two position prospects, and apparently will also receive two of their top three pitching prospects. And Saltalamacchia, one of the few elite catching prospects in baseball, is a better player than anything the Sox should or would have been willing to offer, though my hunch is that if the Sox had been willing to give up Clay Buchholz, Teixeira would be having a press conference at Fenway Tuesday afternoon . . . Not that I'm suggesting the Sox should have done that, of course . . . The fascinating thing will be seeing how this all pans out for the Rangers in a few years. While the Braves were clearly dealing from a position of strength and probably gave up Saltalamacchia only because of the presence of young All-Star incumbent Brian McCann, Atlanta GM John Schuerholz rarely makes a wrong move when it comes to deciding which prospects to keep and which ones to deal. (Somewhere, Andy Marte nods his head in agreement while engulfing a creme horn for breakfast). Saltalamacchia looks like the real deal, but Schuerholz's sterling track record should cause at least a shadow of a doubt . . . So with Teixeira headed for the Braves, where do the Sox turn? . . . My prediction is that White Sox GM Kenny Williams will blink and the Red Sox will get Jermaine Dye for a second-tier prospect at or around 3:59 p.m. today, though I wouldn't be shocked if Theo compromised and offered, say, Michael Bowden, who I think has been passed by the ascending and untouchable Justin Masterson on the prospect scale . . . Call me a conspiracy theorist, but I think the reason the Sox allegedly assured Dye that he would play five days a week in Boston is not because they're going to bench J.D. Drew, but because Dye's arrival might preclude a trip to the disabled list and/or the operating table for David Ortiz. Papi is such a mess right now at the plate that it's disconcerting, and there simply has to be more wrong than we are aware of. I would not be shocked if he has that torn meniscus operated on should Dye come here. Dye would, theoretically, ease the temporary loss (four weeks, most likely) of Papi from the lineup, and Boston's cushion in the division is big enough that they might at least consider shutting down Papi to have him healthy for the postseason . . . One more thing about Dye: He is not, contrary to reputation among certain members of the media, a good defensive outfielder. Yes, he won a Gold Glove, and he has a right fielder's arm, but years of leg problems have resulted in him running like he's on stilts, and he's been an adventure at Fenway Park for years dating back to Game 4 of the 2003 ALCS. Now, I'm not suggesting he's as inept as Wily Mo, but he's not good. Fortunately, if he does come here and Papi doesn't end up going on the DL, then the Sox will have a certain $70 million defensive replacement to help him out . . . Bottom line: Give me Dye and, oh, Eric Gagne for a couple random Sea Dogs and PawSox by 4 p.m. today, and maybe that will take my mind off basketball for a few moments.

A partridge in a pear tree? What kind of lame gift is that?

Ten free minutes for me, 10 free lords a-leaping for you . . .

1. I don't get why so many words have been wasted on Tom Brady's Pro Bowl "snub." Peyton Manning is having a far better year, Carson Palmer has slightly better numbers, and Philip Rivers has slightly inferior numbers but quarterbacks the league's best team. They are all deserving choices. Granted, Brady has had to deal with more adversity than all of them put together, but I think anyone who his assessing his performance honestly would say this hasn't been one of his best individual seasons. Oh, he's been good, and god forbid we ever find out what life is like without him . . . but for whatever reason, he hasn't been great. Had he been chosen for the Pro Bowl, it would have been based on reputation rather than anything he's accomplished on the field in 2006. Anyway, I can't imagine he gives a damn or pays more than lip-service to the contrived "they're disrespecting us again" angle. Brady's priority has always been a certain other Bowl, the one that matters. (By the way, am I seeing things, or is that a Colts hat he's wearing in that photo?)

2. We should have a better clue as to the legitimacy of the Patriots' postseason aspirations after today's business trip to Jacksonville, where the Jack Del Rio's bipolar Jaguars tend to perform as if they're the '78 Steelers. While today's game is expected to be a street brawl - the Jags like to bring the pain - at least the Patriots aren't going into this one undermanned: My man Mike Reiss's trained eyes tell us that Laurence Maroney and Rodney Harrison appear ready to defy the injury report and play despite their questionable status, and while Vince Wilfork and Ben Watson will be observers rather than participants for the second straight week, there are encouraging signs that this injury-ravaged team is regaining some semblance of health just in time for the playoffs. If only they can just get through this one with a win . . . and no more personnel losses.

3. Two leftover thoughts on the Iverson trade. 1) I give A.I. and George Karl a month, tops, before they are on the verge of re-enacting Sprewell-Carlesimo. They're two of the most stubborn mules in the NBA, and Iverson's reckless/fearless crossover-and-chuck game will quickly offend Karl's Tar Heel sensibilities. 2. It's apparent the Celtics could have put a better package together - Joe Smith, Andre Miller, and two No. 1s is really the best Billy King could do? - but with the flashes Al Jefferson is showing, I'm glad Danny Ainge resisted the temptation. Call me a fool, but I believe in these kids. 3. 'Melo and Iverson together? Now this should be a reality show.

4. A couple of the more prominent stats wizards are predicting a major breakout for Manny Delcarmen next season, based on his improved K/BB rate in '06, and it did seem like he was making significant progress before injuring his hand and losing command of this curveball. It's fair to say he's the most likely of the Sox' unproven cadre young pitchers to contribute immediately next season, and for that reason I hope the rumors are false and he's not the pitcher who would head to the Nationals in a Wily Mo Pena-Chad Cordero swap.

5. If there is one small blessing regarding Paul Pierce's two-week injury hiatus, it's that Doc Rivers will have no choice but to play the electric (if clueless) Gerald Green until The Truth's wobbly wheel is healthy again. Judging by the Sixers debacle, things could get ugly during Pierce's absence, but at least Green will keep it interesting with a SportsCenter highlight or two.

6. File this under Stupidest Damn Thing I've Read All Year, NFL Division. It comes from a recent article by The Associated Press's Dave Goldberg on the Colts' pathetic defense. In attempting to put the six-time On Paper Super Bowl champion's flaws into context, the nation NFL writer for the nation's largest wire service offers this nugget of idiocy:

In the end, it’s just another reason why there are no dominant teams in the NFL and haven’t been for a decade.

I was so stunned when I first read it that I immediately had to read it again, just to make sure I didn't miss an addendum or a qualifier or some friggin' explanation. Something such as, ". . . excluding, of course, the three-time Super Bowl champion New England Patriots, who won 21 consecutive games, 10 straight playoff games, went 34-4 over two seasons, and must be regarded as the first true dynasty since the early '90s Dallas Cowboys." Alas, such a sentence never appeared in Goldberg's article. Weird, huh? He must have hit the delete key by accident or something, because so national football writer would be so brazen or oblivious as to completely disregard the Patriots' accomplishments . . . right?

7. The three best running backs I've ever seen, in order. 1) Earl Campbell (He ran like a pissed-off bull at Pamplona, which is probably why his prime was abbreviated - he took more kill shots than Kevin Faulk.) 2. Walter Payton (My memories of Sweetness remain so vivid, I can't really comprehend that he's been gone seven years now.) 3. LaDainian Tomlinson (If he makes a champion out of an accomplished gagger like Marty Schottenheimer, he immediately ascends to the top of the list.) Honorable mention goes to Bo Jackson, who was the greatest Bosworth-abusing combination of power, speed, charisma, and video-game invincibility we've ever seen, but was gone before you can say "Bo knows hip replacement."

8. It seems you've come to expect an obligatory "The Office" reference, so here's a YouTube clip of a recent Craig Ferguson appearance by the Official Muse of TATB, Wife Excluded. I'm searching for a "now that's a Golden Globes nominee" joke here, but frankly, I'm just not finding it.

9. I've come around on the benefits of this transaction, but it simply cannot be a good omen that J.D. Drew is ready to go on the disabled list before he even signs his contract.

10. As for today's Completely Random Football Card:


I suppose it was a better idea football-wise to bring in that roided-up idiot punter Sauerbrun, but I was hoping the Pats would sign Landeta after working him out this week. The dude is ancient. He's been around so long, he actually played in the USFL, though he really first made his name for dating Donna Rice after the Gary Hart scandal. Told you he was ancient.

* * *

I'm hoping to write during or after today's Pats game, but I have a feeling I may be the designated Christmas Eve Errand Boy in the TATB household. So if we don't cross cyberpaths again until the New Year, I just want to offer my sincerest thanks for making this fly-by-late-night operation something I'm proud of and genuinely enjoy working on. All you readers, emailers, commenters, sportos, motorheads, sluts, bloods, geeks, wasteoids, dweebies, and $*%&heads make it worthwhile. You're all righteous dudes. So happy holidays you and yours, and be careful out there. You never know where Dontrelle Willis might be peeing on a car.

As God as my witness, I thought turkeys could fly

Ten free minutes for me, 10 free incarcerated Bengals for you . . .


1. Allen Iverson, guard, Boston Celtics? I reluctantly approve such a notion, if only for entertainment's sake; the Answer's reckless/relentless style of play would be a treat to watch up close, though I fear all the lumps his scrawny body has absorbed through the years will lead to an accelerated decline. There is one caveat to my approval, however: If Gerald Green's name comes up in any discussion with the Sixers, I plead with Danny Ainge to hang up the phone and wait for Billy King to humbly call back with a more reasonable request. They can have Delonte West, Sebastian Telfair, and even Big Al if his exclusion is a deal-breaker. Just don't give up Green. He has rare physical talent, a picturesque jump shot, and you can see he's figuring it out with each minute of playing time Doc Rivers awards him. I'd rather watch him grow into an elite talent than watch a current elite talent like Iverson begin to age.

2. Is Doug Mirabelli the only person on the planet with the mad skills to catch a knuckleball? I'm beginning to think so, since the Sox are apparently kicking around the thought of bringing him back one more time to caddy for Tim Wakefield. This is, of course, a ridiculously pea-brained idea. Mirabelli was washed up two years ago, and he's a well-known pain in the Assenmacher on top of it all. I say it's about time Jason Varitek sucked it up and caught Wakefield, and if that's not an option, then bring in Sandy Alomar Jr., whom I believe caught Tom Candiotti in Cleveland way back in the deadball era. Sure, Alomar may be calcified at this point - I think he's actually older than Sandy Alomar Sr. - but really, can he be any worse than Mirabelli?

3. So now the versatile Don Davis is done for the year, the 11th Patriot to be placed in injured reserve this season, and Belichick's troops are suddenly so thin at linebacker that one more injury (knock on wood) would be nothing short of devastating to their defense. Hell, the situation is pretty dire already. How dire? Paging Roman Phifer . . . Roman Phifer, please report to the front desk . . . Hey, even though ol' No. 95 is now two years into retirement, I can think of worse options. (See: Beisel, Monty).

4. In a related note, I'd gladly welcome Junior Seau back for a second tour with the Patriots in '07, though it should be as a backup since it would be prudent to start getting younger at the position. (I still contend that Kamerion Wimbley, the Browns' stellar rookie linebacker, was their No. 1 target in the last draft, though that Maroney kid wasn't a bad consolation prize.) Even Seau's most ardent detractors had to be won over by his inspired and reliable play before his gruesome injury, and he seemed to really relish the Patriot atmosphere.

5. Apparently, hypocrisy is an intangible. From the fellas at Fire Joe Morgan:

Does anyone still wonder why we are tough on Derek Jeter for not standing up for ARod this past year?

Here's a recent article where Derek Jeter talks about ARod:

Recently, the Yankees Captain has been hit with some misguided criticism that he should come out stronger in his defense of Alex Rodriguez . . .

"That's exactly what I said," Jeter calmly explained. "I said the only thing I wasn't going to do was tell the fans who they should boo and who they shouldn't boo."

And here's an article from 2005 where Derek Jeter talks about Jason Giambi:

Then Jeter took the opportunity to stand up for Giambi, who was booed so loudly after he struck out in the eighth inning it was hard to hear public address announced Bob Sheppard announce the next hitter. Jeter implored Yankees fans to stop booing Giambi.

"The fans have to start cheering for him," Jeter said. "If you're a Yankee fan, you want us to win and we need Jason."

One more time: 2006, re: ARod:

"I said the only thing I wasn't going to do was tell the fans who they should boo and who they shouldn't boo."

And 2005, in re: Giambi:

Jeter implored Yankees fans to stop booing Giambi. "The fans have to start cheering for him," Jeter said. "If you're a Yankee fan, you want us to win and we need Jason."

The end.

Seriously, that is just awesome. Fist pump!

6. If I'm Theo Epstein, I keep dialing up Jim Bowden and badgering him about a Wily Mo Pena-for-Chad Cordero swap until the Nats' GM either changes his number or gives in. While a straight-up swap probably isn't reasonable - the Sox would have to kick in at least a pitching prospect or two - it's not completely illogical from the Nats' standpoint. Bowden reportedly has a fondness for Pena dating back to their time in Cincinnati together, Washington desperately needs some sock in the middle of their Soriano-less order, and while Cordero is already a proven closer at age 25, he's something of a luxury to a Nationals team that is so flawed that it probably won't have a whole lot of leads for him to protect.

7. Forget the insane money given to such mediocrities as Gil Meche, Juan Pierre, and Gary Matthews Jr. The leader in the clubhouse for Bleepin' Stupidest Signing Of The Offseason is the Chicago Cubs for the three-year, $20 million deal they gave Jason Marquis today. Yes, that Jason Marquis - the one who was quite possibly the worst pitcher in the NL this season (6.20 ERA, led the league in homers allowed) and has a reputation of disregarding the advice of everyone but the voices in his own thick head. Tony La Russa and Dave Duncan must be having a good laugh about this one.

8. I finally found the analogy I was looking for: Pam Beesley is this generation's Bailey Quarters, and if you know what I'm talking about, I know you're nodding your head in agreement. And with our obligatory "The Office" mention out of the way, here are some words from a certain stellar TV show of its time that might just stick in your head for the rest of the day: Baby, if you've ever wondered/Wondered what ever became of me . . . Go ahead, sing it. Resistance is futile.

9. Curt Schilling says he's learning some Japanese so he can communicate with Daisuke Matsuzaka. I suppose it's an honorable gesture, though I'm suddenly curious if there's a Japanese word for "windbag."

10. As for today's Completely Random Baseball Card:


Who knew the current Boomer Wells wasn't the original? You know, I'm going to go out on a limb here and assume the two aren't related.