A boy named Nancy

Ten free minutes for me, 10 free pea-brained ideas for you . . .

1. Just when I was talking myself into thinking J.D. Drew would be a good fit in the No. 5 slot for the Sox, Gordon Edes reveals that the injury-prone and indifferent Drew's nickname within the Dodgers clubhouse was "Nancy Drew." Good lord, and I thought calling him D.L. Drew was an insult. Suddenly, I'm thinking Trot Nixon on a one-year deal to platoon with Wily Mo isn't the worst idea. And Dave Dellucci wouldn't be a bad Plan D. At least they want to play.

2. Gary Matthews Jr. was a .249 hitter coming into this season. He's 32 years old. He's been claimed on waivers three times and outright released once. He was nearly traded straight-up for Tony Graffanino last spring. And he gets five years and $55 million from the Angels? How long until the buyer's remorse sets in? April? Then again, I'd rather have Matthews than Juan Pierre, who has no power, no arm, and makes more outs than just about any player in baseball. I'm not one to get worked up about contracts . . . but damn, some of these deals are just inexplicable.

3. The only chance the Bears have of beating the Patriots Sunday is if they can make Tom Brady play like his name is Rex Grossman. I can't see the Chicago offense making much headway (even if Willie Clay and Prentice McCray end up starting in the Pats' depleted defensive backfield), and I can see Brady, Laurence Maroney and the Pats solving Urlacher and his fearsome friends just enough to win. Prediction: Patriots 17, Ditka 9.

4. Okay, after that football interlude, I gotta go back to my rant about all of these ridiculous baseball contracts. If Alfonso Soriano is worth $138 million, and Carlos Lee gets a nice, even $100 mil, what would a 34-year-old Manny Ramirez get on the open market right now? One-twenty? One-fifty? Or would his age and spaciness work against him? I never for a moment thought Manny's 8-year, $160-million contract was an albatross for the Sox - I've certainly got my money's worth watching him through the seasons, and he never failed to produce - and now, with two years and $34 million remaining, it's a downright bargain.

5. Ken Walter? Really? That's the best they can do? Again? Was Brooks Barnard unavailable? OH, I suppose Josh Miller was struggling this season, and he's older than you think, but make no mistake, he'll be missed. He was the unsung hero of the Patriots' Super Bowl victory over the Eagles, and he's about the steadiest punter the Patriots had since Rich Camarillo called Foxboro home. Yeah, Miller's just the lonesome punter, but this a major loss.

6. Gotta love the New York tabloids, which were predictably outraged when the Twins' Justin Morneau edged the sweetest-smelling shortstop in all the land for the AL MVP award. George King, the dishonest and slimy Yankees beat writer for the NY Post, went so far as to suggest it was an anti-Yankee bias that cost Captain Intangibles his rightful honor. Funny, but I didn't hear anyone spouting such a theory when A-Rod beat out Papi for the award last year.

7. Brian Scalabrine has no business being inside an NBA arena without paying for a ticket. Why Doc Rivers continues to give him any minutes at the expense of Gerald Green, Leon Powe, Ryan Gomes, Terry Duerod, anyone, remains a damning indictment of Doc's abilities as an NBA coach and talent evaluator.

8. Tony Romo reminds me of Jake Plummer . . . except, you know, good. Forget what I said last week - you bet I'm buying the hype now, to the point that I'm daydreaming of a Pats-Cowboys Super Bowl and wondering how Belichick would defend Dallas.

9. Hard to believe his fumble against the Jets is the lone transgression that has Doug Gabriel buried deep in the Belichick doghouse. Among the new receivers, he seemed to adapt the quickest to the Patriots offense, and until two weeks ago I had more faith in him than I did Reche Caldwell or Jabar Gaffney. There's gotta be something we don't know.

10. As for today's Completely Random Baseball Card:


What's that you say? It was Pat Dobson? The ex-Oriole? Whoops, never mind then.

Pats-Broncos, live

All right, as promised, TATB is in the house, and hell yeah, we're ready for some football. We're stuffed full of pesto pizza, are well-stocked with the appropriate football-watchin' beverages (no daiquiris in this house, Jeter!), and as my wife likes to remind me, I'm in the ideal physical condition to be planted on the couch for the next three hours. Now if I can just forget the frightening image of that she-male singer Pink warbling from my TV, I'll be all set.

Prediction? Well, I always have faith in the Belichick Pats . . . but Denver, 5-1 in their last six against New England, always scare the hell out of me, and Mike Shanahan might be the second-best coach in the league. Rod Smith usually has something like 17 catches for 287 yards against the Pats, Champ Bailey should be avoided at all costs, and Denver's D as a whole is fast and mean - they made the Patriots look positively old in the regular season last year. But if Tom Brady plays like Tom Brady, Jake Plummer plays like Jake Plummer, and the Maroney/Dillon duo gains enough ground to keep the Broncos honest, I say the Pats eke it out, 21-17.

Let's do it:

PREGAME
• Sez Al Michaels per his pregame introduction: "With the Red Sox off the radar, it is officially and exclusively football season in New England." All right, I guess I'll buy that . . . at least until Manny's next trade demand or some other news of significance emanates from Yawkey Way, and then the Sox will bounce the Pats back down to the bottom of the sports page again. I'm not saying that's how it should be. That's just the way it is.

• The Broncos' offensive lineman don't talk to the media and thus don't cooperate with the familiar Name/College personal introduction. Rather, they are introduced by Michaels as still headshots appear on the screen. So, yeah, they are exactly the kind of jerks you'd think a jacked-up pack of cheap-shot artists would be.

FIRST QUARTER
• Denver takes it at the 20 after Stephen Gostkowski clobbers the opening kickoff into the end zone. Even the most ardent Adam Vinatieri fan has to admit the rookie is an upgrade there. Denver gets one first down, Plummer completes a couple of crossing patterns (they killed the Pats with crossing routes last year during the Duane Starks debacle), but they end up having to punt after two series, pinning the Patriots at the 1.

• No one is doing much of anything early . . . and yet John Madden is not yet audibly snoring, despite inhaling three whole turkeys during the pregame. I think I heard his stomach growling, though.

• The Charlotte Observer erroneously reported that Bucs quarterback Chris Simms is hospitalized in critical condition after taking several hard hits in today's loss to the Panthers. Peter King sets the record straight, saying Simms is in the hospital but is not in critical condition. King resists the temptation to tell us to trade Carson Palmer for Simms in our fantasy league, since Simms has "miraculous healing powers."

• Andrea Kremer checks in with some inane report from the sideline. Gotta say, I lost some respect for her when I saw her standing on a milk crate to look taller while interviewing Drew Bledsoe a few years ago. She's like Shelley Smith's Mini-Me.

• At 5:08 of the first quarter, we get our first mentions of Deion Branch and David Givens. I thought it would be sooner. Props to NBC for avoiding the beaten-to-death storyline. Or maybe Madden and Michaels thought they were still around until now.

• No Chad Jackson tonight. Geez, did this kid get his hamstrings transplanted from the cadaver of Vincent Brisby?

• John Lynch nearly picks off a Brady wobbler near midfield. The Pats came thisclose to signing Lynch after the 2003 season when he was let go by Tampa, but the Pats reportedly backed off due to concerns regarding his history of neck problems. Bet Belichick wishes they'd taken the chance. Not only would Lynch and Rodney Harrison have made a deadly pair of safeties, but he'd have made Harrison's injury last season much easier to overcome.

• My wife is being quiet. Too quiet. Whoops, she speaks: "Can I change it? I'm kidding. We need another TV in this house. This is boring. Have you published yet? You should hit publish."

• (Hitting publish while gently weeping . . .)

• Third and 9, Denver, from their own 2. Plummer dodges Mike Vrabel in the end zone, then slithers around Junior Seau for the first down. Very, very impressive improvisation, the type of play Plummer does so well. Have to admit, I'm a longtime fan dating back to his Arizona St. days, and with his job in jeopardy after a shaky start to the season, I expect him to play well tonight. He might not be that reliable, but the dude is resilient.

• My wife, scanning through the TV listings menu: " 'Misery' is on. We saw that on our first date." Me: "Damn, that couldn't have been more appropr . . ." WHACK!!.

• Score after the first quarter: New England 0, Denver 0, but the Pats are moving the ball . . .

SECOND QUARTER
. . . until Maroney is stuffed on fourth and 1 from the Denver 36. Have to admit, I was giddy to hear Shanahan say the Pats got a steal in Maroney and that Denver would have taken him had Jay Cutler (supposedly No. 1 on their draft board) not been available. I mean, you gotta respect the Broncos' acumen with running backs. Terrell Davis, Olandis Gary, Mike Anderson, Tatum Bell . . . when was they last time they missed on one?



Oh . . . right.

• Plummer is 0 for his last 7 pass attempts. Shanahan, who in his sunnier moods looks like Norman Bates, appears to be ready to wallop him to the ground with his clipboard, choke him with his headset, then repeatedly stab him with his pencil. Hey, how do you think he got rid of Danny Kanell?

• . . . and then in his typically schizophrenic manner, Plummer suddenly finds a rhythm, hitting someone named David Kirkus twice, eventually getting all the way down to the New England 9. Then Rod Smith (who else?) gets seven on third and 6 to set up first and goal at the 2.

• The Pats hold 'em to 3, thanks to a holding penalty, Ty Warren's continued spot-on impersonation of Richard Seymour, and a blind-side blitz by Rosey Colvin that forced an incompletion. Not a bad way to salvage things, and with 7:20 left in the half, it's Denver 3, New England 0.

• That ubiquitous but heartwarming Dwyane Wade commercial just came on for the 20th time . . . you know, the one where he gives all the stuff to the youth program. I say to my wife, "That's Dwyane Wade. He's one of the best basketball players I've ever seen." Her reply: "From 'A Different World'?" You know, I bet Shaq would like that joke.

• Not sure I heard correctly, but I think Al Michaels just said Chris Simms had a blood transfusion. Yikes. We'll put a moratorium on the jokes. [Turns out it was a ruptured spleen, and his season is likely over. The truly frightening/astounding thing is that after feeling extremely ill during the game, he returned to lead a fourth-quarter drive. We sure can't question this kid's toughness again.]

• Denver hasn't given up a touchdown this season, but the Pats are making a bid thanks to Maroney, who blew up for 31 yards on a screen pass to get to the Broncos 19. The Pats haven't had a back who can move like this kid since Curtis Martin was winning over Bill Parcells.

• Andrea Kremer climbs back up on her trusty Oakhurst crate and tells us Dillon has returned to the locker room with an "arm" injury. That could be anything from a scratch to amputation at the shoulder in Pats-speak, but she says he's probable to return. Either way, looks like it's on Maroney for now.

• Three straight incompletions, and Sisson . . er, Gostkowski comes out and promptly gets his second consecutive field-goal attempt blocked. Madden immediately blames the poor field conditions, but man, that's tough to excuse considering the field is always in lousy shape. Whoever's fault it is, I know this much to be true: Somewhere, Glenn Ordway is chortling through a mouth stuffed full of Cheez Balls.

• Third and 8, Denver, from their own 48. You know what comes next: Rod Smith, 18 yards, first down. I swear, if this guy gets to Canton someday, his personal highlight film will come entirely from games against the Patriots.

• At the 2-minute warning, NBC just showed Brady's stats: 10 for 15, 115 yards. Not. Good. Enough.

• On third and 1 with 50 seconds left in the half, Javon Walker gets a step on Ellis Hobbs in single coverage, and Plummer makes the kind of throw we've come to expect from Brady. The result: Touchdown, Denver. Gutsy call, and the visitors lead, 10-0. Suddenly it's mighty quiet in Foxboro.

• The Pats' 2-minute drill stalls at midfield, Brady rips off his chinstrap Peyton-style and absolutely looks like he's moping, and home team trots off the field to scattered boos. I'm guessing this isn't quite the way Belichick drew it up.

Score at halftime: Denver 10, New England 0

THIRD QUARTER
• Maroney takes the kickoff back to the 23. I HATE having him taking kickoffs. He's too valuable, especially now that Dillon has been downgraded to questionable. Put Faulk back there.

• Pats go three-and-out, and John "I'd Take A Knee Here" Madden, just jostled from his halftime nap, is writing the team's eulogy already: "The Patriots just can't get anything going. Cris Collinsworth was just talking about it at halftime, the whole body-language of Brady and their offensive players and their sideline . . . they just don't look like the champion Patriots we're used to seeing." Now, normally I'd rip him for this sort of thing . . . but I think I wrote about it myself three paragraphs ago, so I've gotta agree with him here, if only to avoid being a hypocrite. Truth is, Brady looks like he's thinking about Deion Branch with every incomplete pass. And as great as Brady is, don't you dare suggest that he doesn't have horrible body language sometimes - slumping his shoulders, staring at the ground, looking like he'd just lost his beloved Fido. Hell, the coaches supposedly talked to him about it last week.

• Uh-oh. Rodney Harrison leaves with an injury. Great. Next play, Plummer targets his replacement, James Sanders, and Sanders obliges, interfering with Kirkus for a 30-yard penalty. That's smart football on Denver's part, and horrible coverage by Sanders. I'm pissed.

• Chad Scott makes a big hit to bust up a pass to Walker on third-and-7, preventing a first down. Shockingly, Rod Smith did not drop out of the heavens to catch ball milliseconds before it hit the ground. He's slipping in his old age.

• Three and out again, with Brady overthrowing a slightly open Troy Brown on a flea-flicker. Say this for the Broncos' defense: They know how to defend a team with no wide receivers.

• How's this for a horrifying thought: What if Brady's weekly listing on the injury report (probable, arm) actually isn't a superstition or an attempt to tweak the NFL rulesmakers, but a clue that maybe a physical problem is the reason for his subpar play? I tell you, the way he's throwing the ball, it's time to consider it.

• Denver is pinned at the 2 when Darrent Williams pulls a Deltha O'Neal on the punt and barely avoids a safety. Says Madden: "This is where Bill Belichick needs to be a defensive genius." Plummer promptly hits Rod Goddamn Smith for 10 yards, thanks to a Chris Canty-like 11-yard cushion by the maddening Asante Samuel.

• [begin whine] Samuel is hit with a phantom pass interference call, and I just had a flashback to last season's playoff game, when the refs sometimes seemed hellbent on making the Pats play 11 men against 13. Is Shanahan the head of officiating or something? Cripes, it would be really swell if the Patriots got a call against Denver one of these seasons. [end whine]

• 5:16 remaining in the third quarter, and Brady's deep post to Reche Caldwell is tipped away at the last second to stall another series. Yup, at this point I'm left to report near-misses, almost-completions and Reche Friggin Caldwell sightings. This is going fantastically well!

• Did Ben Watson dress for this game? He did? Really? You'd think someone being hailed as Antonio Gates + Ben Coates + the Elder Kellen Winslow would be, you know, noticeable.

• Harrison is back, and Tedy Bruschi has been all over the place. So they've got that going for them, which is nice.

• They just showed the replay of Watson running down Bailey in last season's playoff game. Astounding, astounding hustle and athleticism. One of the most impressive plays I've ever seen, even if it was ultimately meaningless. I hereby apologize for bitching about him a minute ago.

• Brady, incomplete deep to Doug Gabriel. Good to know he's active. I honestly wasn't sure. [Edit: Turns out he didn't play in the first half.] Anyway, another three-and-out. None of the quick-slant, timing stuff is working. (Where have you gone, David Givens?) Josh Miller is their best offensive weapon. I wonder if Pink can play receiver. Or linebacker.

• Madden, who's surprisingly insightful tonight: "The Patriot offense just looks like they're frustrated. They're having trouble getting anything going, and it looks like it's affecting them. Watch their body language - they're all just kind of hunched over and walking off the field. Football is a game of passion and emotion, and when you lose that, you don't have anything . . . I hate to use the word sleepwalking, but they're sleepwalking out there." Gotta say, the Human Turducken is absolutely correct here. I thought the long faces were supposed to be limited to the Broncos' helmets. Not so far. After three quarters, it's 10-0, ElwayFaces.

FOURTH QUARTER
• The Broncos are starting inside their own 5 for the third time tonight. Doesn't logic suggest Plummer should throw a stupid-ass pick one of these times? He's playing with the poise of a quarterback who's very secure in his job. Quick, put a shot of Cutler on the JumboTron.

• And this one's over. Plummer, a split second before he's turned into snakeskin by Richard Seymour, hits Walker down the left sideline on third and 6, and the ex-Packer who nearly became a Patriot in the offseason splits the useless Sanders (in for a cramping Eugene Wilson) and the overmatched Samuel, and goes 82 yards for the backbreaker. Denver goes 97 yards in five plays, it's 17-0, and the camera catches Belichick expressing the sentiments of New England fans everywhere: "You've gotta be ------- kidding me."

• WHAT THE HELL JUST HAPPENED? I SWITCH CHANNELS, COME BACK, AND THE PATS HAVE 7 POINTS? COULD THERE BE HOPE? SHOULD I STOP WATCHING AS NOT TO JINX THEM? AND WHY THE $*$**@ AM I WRITING IN ALL CAPS?

• (Oh, it was because I was behind on my DVR . . . and it was a long drive to boot. I'm ashamed. Leave it to me to miss their only touchdown. Have I mentioned I love Doug Gabriel?)

• Pats get the ball back, but go three-and-out. Arggh. I'd like to witness one highlight tonight. Five minutes left and they need two scores. Not looking good.

• The Pats' dink-and-dunk down the field, but on fourth and 1 from the 20 with 1:07 remaining, Brady's 55th pass of the night falls to the sod, and the suspenseless defeat is complete. Final score: Denver 17, New England 7. Good think the AFC East stinks, or it might be time to worry why the Patriots quarterback has had three subpar games in a row and looks like he's trying to throw the damn deep ball all the way to Seattle.

• So what are our instant conclusions from this? Well, obviously, that Denver is, at the moment, a superior football team. They've beaten the Pats, the closest thing to a dynasty in the modern NFL, six times in their last seven meetings, and Denver very well could have won the lone game they lost. They should be the favorite every time they play the Patriots from here on out, and their Genius Coach is one step ahead of our Genius Coach. Maybe by the time the playoffs roll around New England will be a worthy (and even superior) opponent, but right now they have a long way to go to even pretend to be a Super Bowl contender. The wide receivers and the quarterback look like they are working from different playbooks, the defensive backs are tripping all over each other, and the big names on defense aren't making big plays - or even stopping the Tatum Bells of the world - when the situation pleads for it. I trust that, given good health, the Patriots will be a better team at the end of the season than they are right now; that's usually the case with a Belichick team, and hey, they are 2-1. But three games into the season, they hardly look like the team we hoped they'd be, and they've got some long yardage to go to get there.

Changing seasons

We've gathered, from our occasional radio gigs and various other cool/frightening correspondence with our readers, that TATB is perceived as primarily a baseball site. Not so. While baseball is our lifelong passion, a bond with our dad, and all those other saccharine-but-truthful sentiments that make the likes of Doris Kearns Goodwin all frisky, the truth is we're pretty freakin' crazy about football, too. As a matter of fact, the first post on this site, back in Nov. '04, was a rant about Drew Bledsoe that was expanded from an email I had sent a buddy, and the Nine Innings baseball column that is sort of the anchor of the site actually derived from our First and 10 Patriots column, which will be making its 2006 debut Tuesday. So like the rest of New England, while we focus on the Sox through the summer, our mind turns to the Patriots with the arrival of fall, particularly if the Sox, you know, suck. With that certainly being the case this September, consider this post the official notice that we are changing seasons. We're ready for some football . . . right after this transitional round of Name Association:

RED SOX
Mike Timlin: He was one of my favorite Sox during the best times in '03-'04, seemingly as steady and reliable off the field as he was on it. But I really wish he'd stop claiming he "made a great pitch, good location, they just hit it" blah blah blah during his late-season streak of Slocumbness. I'm not sure if he's in denial or he's making an excuse, but it's relentlessly annoying when someone I thought was accountable refused to acknowledge that he just threw another meatball with the game on the line.

Manny Ramirez: Here's hoping he stays healthy and motivated enough to remain in the lineup these final 20 or so games, because the hunch here is that it will be our last opportunity to see one of the greatest hitters of all time perform in a Red Sox uniform. You, me, and Gammons know the front office has always wanted to unload him. The late-season collapse, the mystery surrounding his injury, and the general manager's desire to rebuild will be their justification for finally doing so. And unless they get equal value - yeah, right - I'm going to be beyond pissed when it happens.

Josh Beckett: Of course I'm going to give this deal time, even as I try to wrap my head around the notion that "prospects" Anibal Sanchez and Hanley Ramirez have a better shot at the postseason than does the alleged contender that traded them. But for those Beckett bashers among you who are trying to figure out just who in the front office signed off on this trade, here's Seth Mnookin's take from his hugely (and deservedly) successful book, "Feeding the Monster":

"The Beckett trade appeared to be a fantastic one - young, proven arms are rare commodities in baseball - and the local media reacted accordingly . . . [But] it didn't take long before details about the trade began to emerge that made it seem less of an obvious steal. An MRI of Beckett's shoulder . . . revealed serious concerns about his rotator cuff. Assistant to the general manager Jed Hoyer, in constant consultation with Epstein, had been wary about making the trade, but Lucchino has been eager to get it done. "It was clear what was going on," said someone with an ownership stake in the team. "You had the people who were looking out for the long-term interests of the club advising to hold off, and the people who wanted to get the focus off the front-office fiasco pushing to make the deal."

Funny, Lucchino didn't seem too eager to take credit for it when Gerry Callahan asked him point-blank recently if this deal was his baby. What did Steinbrenner call him all those years ago? A chameleon? Huh. Interesting.

Kason Gabbard: For someone who was considered little more than minor-league roster filler - he spent two mediocre seasons in Portland and wasn't rated among the top 30 pitchers in the system entering 2006 - he sure did look like he belonged during his masterful seven shutout innings against Chicago. If he pitches well again tonight . . . well, I'll at least admit he's the pitcher Abe Alvarez was supposed to be, and maybe more.

Julian Tavarez: The Sox could do worse for a fifth starter next season. Of course, I sure as hell hope they do better.

Jonathan Papelbon: It's just a tired arm? Honest? (Exhaling). So I'm guessing the Japan trip is out of the question?

Javy Lopez: Well, guess we learned the hard way why Maddux couldn't stand him. Lazy and useless is no way to go through life, son.

PATRIOTS
Junior Seau: I've never been much of a Seau fan - he became hugely overrated once his amazing athleticism could no longer make up for his lack of discipline - but I'm glad he's a Patriot. Know why? Because it's been absolutely delightful to listen to the 'EEI hypocrites try and pretend that they haven't mercilessly ripped the guy for years. Who knew men so bloated could backpedal faster than a young Mike Haynes?

Laurence Maroney: Not a bad debut, eh? He's so ridiculously talented - and apparently such a deferential, egoless kid - that the proud Corey Dillon is willing to split the carries and play the role of mentor. A mighty running back tandem! Who da thunk it?

Kevin Faulk: For a player with a habit of fumbling at the most inopportune times, he sure does have great hands. (Dammit, do I ever make sense?)

Deion Branch: The conventional wisdom among Pats fans seemed to be that Branch was getting bad advice, that he's a levelheaded kid who was being manipulated by an agent with an agenda, and he'd come to his senses and accept the Patriots' perfectly fair offer (3 years, $17 million) once he realized the season would go on without him. But now? Now I'm thinking Branch is just one more lunatic diva of a wide receiver, a T.O. wannabe. There's simply no other explanation for the way he's allowed his agent to try and shoot his way out of Foxboro.

Doug Gabriel: Is it wishful thinking to believe that the talented but underutilized ex-Raider will be the right player at the right place at the right time? Yeah, probably. If he doesn't do the job and Branch doesn't come to his senses, the Pats may be starting Donald Hayes and Bert Emanuel by Week 6.

Gil Santos: His booming pipes are still among the most distinctive in the biz. ("Brady back to pass . . . down the middle . . . "CAUGHT! . . . TROY BROWN!") But - how can I say this delicately? - he and Gino could use a little more help from the spotter in identifying players. It's one thing to accidentally confuse Reche Caldwell (the new No. 87) with David Givens (the former No. 87), especially in the season opener. I just worry that one of these days, he's going to have Brady completing a pass to Randy Vataha, and neither he nor Gino will catch the mistake.

ASSORTED OTHER IDOLS AND IDIOTS
Hanley Ramirez: He's been predictably inconsistent, but having accumulated 59 extra-base hits, 46 steals, 107 runs, while batting .286, there is no debating that he has exceeded all expectations in his rookie season. He sure looks like a superstar in the making. Anyone else care to argue that Dustin Pedroia is a better prospect? Anyone? Bueller? C'mon, you were out there this spring . . .

Jermaine Dye: Can you believe the Royals once had a Dye-Johnny Damon-Carlos Beltran outfield? Do they have anything to show for trading three of the most valuable players in baseball this season? No, Mark Teahen does not count.

Daunte Culpepper: Trust me when I say I would have written this before his gruesome two-pick fourth quarter Thursday: He is the most overrated quarterback of the past dozen years, a player who put up impressive numbers because he could heave the ball deep to Randy Moss when all else failed. His carelessness is going to drive Nick Saban crazy. Or crazier.

Drew Bledsoe: He's the second-best quarterback in Patriots history, he was crucial in the rejuvenation of the franchise, and it's with admiration that I consider him the most normal star athlete I've ever encountered. But isn't it an indictment of his dedication that he's still making the same stone-skulled mistakes that he made in '93? The ending of last night's Dallas-Jacksonville game couldn't have been more predictable.

Peyton Manning: If he delivered in big games as often as he does in his numerous funny commercials, he might have some accomplishments that actually justify his reputation. (Friend of TATB Tom Curran puts it much better here.)

Terrell Owens: If you think there is any chance of this T.O./Tuna/Bledsoe marriage actually working, let me suggest that you read Tom Friend's stellar piece in the recent ESPN Magazine. T.O. is a petulant, misguided teenager, and shockingly, Parcells is not exactly willing to play the role of guidance counselor. This is going to be as ugly as a Jerry Jones facelift, people.

Adam Vinatieri: The sentimental fan in me already misses him. But I'm not so sure the Patriots will, and anyone who suggests he'll mean two or more victories to the Colts this season is either an imbecile, Peter King, or both.

As for today's Completely Random Baseball Card:


In 11 major-league seasons prior to 2006, Kevin Jarvis won 34 games, lost 47, had an ERA of 5.97 . . . and made nearly $10 million. Frankly, I'm not sure if this is an example of why this is a great country, or an example of what is wrong with it.