Friday, April 15, 2005

Safety dance

So let's get this ARod Saves Boy story straight. A world-class narcissist whose image is tarnished to the point of desperation "saves" an 8-year-old boy from a speeding truck on Newbury Street . . . and the boy just happens to be the son of a Yankees season ticket holder who just happens to make his living in public relations . . . and the act of heroism has no witnesses except for the kid's dad and two yet-to-be quoted Yankee players, despite it happening in broad daylight on a busy street with notoriously gridlocked traffic . . .and the story becomes public when none other than the $252,000,000 egomaniac himself happens to oh-so-casually mention his daring rescue to Yankees broadcaster/suck-up/mouthpiece Michael Kay in the clubhouse before the game?

Hmmmm . . . color me skeptical, color me cynical, hell, Color Me Badd, but, you know, I'm just not sure I'm buying this.

Although I do believe that A-Rod might have had his limo driver yell at the kid not to jaywalk or something. Possibly.

Update, 7:59 p.m.: Just snooped around the Sons of Sam Horn thread on this subject, and those loyal lunatics have dropped more hilarious lines than the Rick James episode of "Chappelle's Show" . . .

A few of SoSH's better wisecracks, every last one of which I wish I'd thought of:

(A-Rod) probably paid off a stunt driver, a midget dressed like a kid, and some anonymous onlooker, just to get a positive story about himself out there.

Did he yell at the kid to get a secondary lead?

I wonder what he billed the parents for the "A-Rod Experience" the kid was able to benefit from ...

Apparently A-Rod had to step in after Rivera blew the save.

Jeter would have anticipated the situation and kindly warned him to be careful and watch for cars. Jetes would have been a leader and made the kid a better pedestrian. That's what he does.

It's only because of Jeter's lack of range that A-Rod was forced to field the kid. That's the shortstop's ball.

I think A-Rod is a hero. Dale Sveum would have waved the kid across the street.

Who was driving the speeding car? Scott Boras?

I heard that - in the Ruthian tradition - A-Rod promised the boy he would hit a weak grounder to third for him.

Someone should explain to Slappy that "saving" a little kid does not include taking him back to the hotel and looking at magazines about gladiators with Uncle Derek.

I was going for A-Rod, not the kid. I have to learn to drive better.

Obviously A-Rod's maternal instincts took over.

Quite a change for Mr. Rodriguez since he threw 24 kids under a bus in Texas.