Nine innings: 05.09.07

Playing nine innings while feeling a whole lot better about the Hanley Ramirez trade these days . . .

1. Okay, so maybe we went a little over the top with our Kinison-like rant in ripping Roger Clemens the other day. It's just that of all of the things about Clemens that aggravate us - the convenient "tweaks" when a game isn't going his way, his knack for shrinking when the moment calls for him to stand tall, his demand for more perks than any diva in Hollywood, his phony aw-shucks demeanor - it's the oaf's chronic dishonesty that bugs us the most. Why did he have to stand there in Steinbrenner's lair and, peering smugly at the Yankee Stadium peons below, try to claim that he's back with the Yankees because they so quaintly "came and got him out of Texas"? Why can't he just admit that it's about what it has always been about with him: THE MONEY, STUPID! There's nothing wrong with that, particularly in this day and age, and yet the disingenuous rube thinks he's fooling us by claiming it's about everything but the cash. Who's he trying to kid? Remember when his name came up in the Jason Grimsley case? His first concern was that it was going to cost him endorsements. He's made $100-something million in his career, Koby, Kielbasa, Klambake, Kareem, and all the other "K" kids are financially set for several lifetimes, and yet he's more worried about losing his five-figure gig pitching Preparation H than about how being pegged as a juicer would affect his legacy. And still, in the face of his transparent greed, he has the hubris to act as if his cause is something far more noble than further engorging his bank account. What a fraud. Let me just make one more point before I go ballistic again: Had the Red Sox somehow outbid the Yankees in this charade - and given the desperation in the Bronx, that was not going to happen - you know he'd have fed us a similar line of Texas bull about how much coming home to Boston means to him and all of that treacly, Dr. Steinberg-scripted nonsense. Would we have eaten it up? Well, I suddenly find myself looking forward to watching Randy Moss play for my favorite team after years of despising the guy, so in the spirit of the truth I'll admit that, yeah, I'd swallow a heaping helping of hypocrisy and probably cheer Clemens, even though I'd hate myself in the morning. Hey, we sports fans are suckers for sentiment. Just ask Roger.

2. Unless David Ortiz actually enjoys the WEEI-driven conjecture about his own enhanced performance since he became a Red Sox, he'd be wise to refrain from any further head-scratching proclamations that he doesn't believe Barry Bonds knowingly used steroids. We appreciate Papi's good (if ill-informed) intentions, but he must realize than any time a slugger of this era speaks up in defense of Bonds, he immediately becomes a target of steroid suspicion himself. As for a certain other Sox player who weighed in on Bonds Tuesday, let's just leave it at this: When Curt Schilling had his chance before Congress to opine on steroids' impact on his profession, he clammed up to the point that we half expected him to pull the Sammy Sosa No hablo Ingles routine. Please, spare us the sanctimony now.

3. The pining for Alex Cora to play every day has died down now that Dustin Pedroia has begun to look like he belongs, and that's a good thing. While Cora is certainly a valuable member of the roster - this isn't the first time I've said he's the best utility player the Sox have had in my lifetime, and it won't be the last - he's a 31-year-old who has a .246 average in 10 big-league seasons. As a certain local football coach might say, he is what he is. The Sox are wise to give Pedroia an extended chance, and should he prove incapable of handling it, Cora should remain in the reserve role in which he thrives, while someone out of the Graffanino/Grudzielanek/Loretta cookie-cutter is brought in to take the majority of the at-bats.

4. If you thought you've been saying, "Did you see that catch Coco made?" on a frequent basis lately . . . well, according to Bill James via Seth Mnookin, there's a good reason for that, and it's not because you're suffering a flashback to that excruciatingly ubiquitous NESN commercial of a season ago. Crisp has been dazzling in center field lately, averaging roughly one Web Gem every other game or so, and at the plate and on the bases he's starting to look like the dynamic player the Sox coveted as Johnny Damon's successor. Hmmm, maybe he's going to thrive here after all.

5. You've probably heard this by now, but it's worth hearing again, because this hilariously shrill snippet of Yankee propaganda is so over-the-top that even Georgie Porgie mouthpiece John Sterling seemed taken aback. This will never get old. Heck, I'm putting it into heavy rotation on the iPod just to bring a little more comedy to my day. And for the record, I'm pretty sure Suzyn Waldman is what Glenn Geffner would sound like if he worked for the Yankees, idolized Liza Minnelli, and had a more masculine voice.

6. Toronto's Vernon Wells is becoming the Joe Carter of era, an outstanding all-around player who spends an inordinate amount of his time absolutely slaughtering Red Sox pitching. And like Carter, his predecessor by a generation as a Blue Jays signature player, Wells is an affable star whose ego has not swollen in proportion to his salary, as this fun story indicates.

7. Thirty-one games into his Boston tenure, Julio Lugo is the same guy I saw all those years in Tampa Bay: occasionally exciting, often erratic, and not someone you're terribly interested in having on your favorite team. I'm not going to go all Lobel on you and wonder why the Sox let Alex Gonzalez depart, because his currently stellar offensive numbers will be subpar once the summer is over. But I still don't understand Theo Epstein's fascination with Lugo, let alone for the 4-year, $36-million price tag.

8. Despite his Mark Clear imitation in his 2007 debut last night, we're going to stick by our binky and repeat our preseason prediction that Devern Hansack will be a valuable contributor to the Red Sox pitching staff this season. His command was clearly on the fritz last night; judging by what I saw of him last summer in Portland, that's highly unusual. Hansack is a strike-throwing machine with good movement on his low-90s fastball, a decent changeup, and a tight, sharp slider that is a major-league out pitch, as Frank Thomas found out last night. He's 29, with an unusual backstory and hardly the Baseball America pedigree, but you can hold me to this: Given a fair chance, Hansack will succeed in the big leagues.

9. As for today's Completely Random Baseball Card:



Macha, the less-than-beloved former A's manager who once employed Terry Francona as his bench coach, is the latest addition to NESN's cadre of studio analysts. The early verdict: Though he's got about as much charisma as a sanitary sock, he brings an insider's knowledge when he talks about players' strengths and weaknesses. We still wish The Eck had the gig every night, but Macha has the potential to be a decent second option.

TATB's Long-Awaited, Half-Assed, Red Sox-Slanted Spring Training Preview Capsules: AL East

(Sixth in a six-part series, teams listed in predicted order of finish).

NEW YORK YANKEES
Foul pops and other observations: I pick the Red Sox every year, and every year the Yankees win the division. Time to break out the old reverse jinx, fellas . . . Not that the Yankees' lineup isn't championship-quality. Superstar-to-be Robinson Cano hit .342 last year, trailing only Joe Mauer and Derek Jeter in the AL. He'll bat eighth. Yikes . . . Derek Jeter's numbers matched his reputation last season. I'm not saying he should have won the MVP, but he was much more valuable to the Yankees than Justin Morneau was to the Twins . . . All right, I'm ready to admit it now. Letting Johnny Damon go was a massive mistake, and yes, it still looks weird to see him clean-shaven and neutered into the True Yankee cult . . .You tell me which vitamins he's taking, and then I'll tell you what kind of season Jason Giambi will have . . . I don't care if he hits 45 homers (and he damn well might): If A-Rod is back with the Yankees in 2008, I'll eat a bowl of Joe Torre's nose hair . . . Though it's hard to believe now that he was once considered the next Dale Murphy, Josh Phelps is a decent gamble at first base. He has 57 homers in 1,203 career at-bats, and he won't be 28 until next month . . . Jorge Posada has declined slightly at the plate, but he's a far better defensive catcher than he was in the days when Cone and Clemens, among others, disliked throwing to him . . . But about that starting pitching . . . When Carl Pavano is your opening day starter, you know there are some issues, no matter what the circumstances . . . Nineteen-game winner Chien-Ming Wang is a lightning rod for debate between the scouts and the stat guys. Scouts will tell you Wang can be a top-of-the-rotation starter because of his tremendous sinker, which produces groundout after groundout when he is on. The stat guys look at his strikeout rate (barely three per nine innings last year) and tell you no pitcher in history has ever succeeded for any length of time with such a pathetic K-rate. I'm rooting for the stat guys on this one . . . Maybe Andy Pettitte will be the answer (though rumor has it that he has Dr. Jobe on speed dial), but if the starters aren't better than expected, Scott Proctor's right arm will be hanging by a thread by August . . . The most similar pitcher to Mike Mussina, according to baseballreference: Juan Marichal. Not bad company . . . The drama is unmatched, but 18 regular-season games between the Sox and the Yankees? That's getting to be too many for my nerves.

Breakthrough player: Philip Hughes. He'll be a major factor as soon as he arrives.

Breakdown player: A-Rod. Emotionally, not physically.

Completely random Bill James stat: A-Rod led American League players in fielding errors with 14. (That excludes throwing errors.)

BOSTON RED SOX
(Extended preview capsule coming Monday. How's that for a cop out?)

TORONTO BLUE JAYS
Foul pops and other observations: The Jays will prove a worthy summer-long opponent to the Sox and Yankees, but come September, they'll be looking up at the big boys . . . Why? They don't have the lineup depth of the Yankees or the pitching depth of the Sox . . . Roy Halladay is the ace of the division, capable of winning a Cy Young award in any given year. But he's followed by perennial tease A.J. Burnett, erratic Gustavo Chacin, journeyman Tomo Ohka, and, almost unfathomably, atrocious slopballer Josh Towers, who beat out Victor Zambrano for the fifth spot. Halladay and Burnett need to win 40 games between them just to make the rest of the rotation sufferable . . . It would help if Chacin, who was 4-0 against the Sox last year, could stay healthy, but he's already in John Gibbons's doghouse and is Toronto's early frontrunner for the Hillenbrand/Lilly Award, given annually to the Jay who is most likely to get sucker-punched by his manager . . . This lineup will score some runs, though anyone expecting Frank Thomas to duplicate his comeback season Oakland is probably a member of the Ricciardi family. Thomas played in in just 108 games the previous two seasons, and he'll be 39 next month . . . Vernon Wells is one of the premier all-around players in the American League, a class act who is just now hitting his prime . . . and yet, I get this nagging sense that he should be better. His numbers stagnated after his breakout 2003, when he went .317-33-117, and he hit just .272 in '04 and .269 in '05 before bouncing back at .303-33-106 last year. Given his ability (and paycheck), he needs to build on those numbers rather than regress again . . . The rumors are so prevalent that you have to figure there is some truth to them, but I can't understand why the Jays would consider dealing Alex Rios. He was on his way to putting up Wells-like numbers before he was sidetracked by a staph infection . . . Sox fans won't complain that two longtime pests have moved on, Frank Catalanotto to Texas and lefty Ted Lilly to the Chicago Cubs. Now if we could just do something about Reed Johnson and Gregg Zaun.

Breakthrough player: Aaron Hill. After a horrendous start last season, the former first-round pick show resilience in battling back to finish at .291. (It was tempting to pick Adam Lind here, but the slugging outfielder is beginning the season at Syracuse.)

Breakdown player: Thomas. The Big Hurt will be.

Completely random Bill James stat: Troy Glaus led the American League in home runs at home (25).

BALTIMORE ORIOLES
Foul pops and other observations: A once-great franchise slogs through another year of mediocrity and irrelevance . . . Wishy-washy and meddlesome owner Peter Angelos was somehow convinced to spend $42.4 million dollars renovating the bullpen. Unfortunately, each new reliever arrives at Camden Yards with a question mark next to his name, so this new bullpen is unlikely to draw comparisons to the '02 Angels . . . Chad Bradford couldn't handle the AL East gauntlet during his stint with the Sox in '05, Danys Baez had a 4.53 ERA in the National League last season, Scott Williamson seems to have Tommy John surgery every other season, and lefty specialist Jamie Walker allowed a Wasdinesque eight homers in 48 innings in '06 . . . The starting pitching isn't deep (see: Jaret Wright, third starter), but Opening Day starter Erik Bedard might have the best repertoire of any AL lefty not currently employed in Minnesota. He could win 18 . . . I'm skeptical that Daniel Cabrera will ever put it together. Mechanical problems are the bane of tall pitchers, and the 6-foot-8 inch Cabrera's command often goes on the fritz without warning . . . Miguel Tejada quietly batted a career-best .330 last season, with 24 homers and 100 RBIs, and he's living up the Orioles' legacy of dependable shortstops: he hasn't missed a game since 2000 . . . Kevin Millar had two more homers and eight fewer RBIs than the man who bumped him out of Boston, Kevin Youkilis. And he did it in 139 fewer at-bats . . . Aubrey Huff's home run and RBI totals have decreased three straight years, so I'm thinking he might not be up to the task of protecting Tejada . . . I was hardly shocked to see Brian Roberts's name mentioned in the Jason Grimsley case. He hit more homers in 2005 than he did in the first four seasons of his career combined, and he looks nothing like the Pedroia-sized singles hitter who first arrived in Baltimore in 2001.

Breakthrough player: Nick Markakis. He's a .310-25-95 season waiting to happen. The kid can rake.

Breakdown player: Melvin Mora. The 35-year-old dropped to 16 homers last year after hitting 27 in each of the previous two seasons.

Completely random Bill James stat: Cabrera led the AL in wild pitches (17) and walks (104).

TAMPA BAY DEVIL RAYS
Foul pops and other observations: It was tempting to pick them ahead of Baltimore due to their potent young offense, but they just don't have the pitching beyond ace Scott Kazmir . . . Despite their need (desperation?) for lively arms, GM Andrew Friedman was wise in not fulfilling the winter rumor and dealing Carl Crawford to Anaheim for Ervin Santana. Crawford is already among the elite players in the AL, he's only 24, and his home run totals have increased from 5 to 11 to 15 to 18 in his four full seasons. He's a franchise cornerstone, not a trading chip . . . Where did it go wrong for Jorge Cantu? After knocking in 117 runs two years ago, he finds himself in purgatory with the Durham Bulls while he waits to see if the front office will grant his trade request. There have to be more issues with him than the foot injury that derailed his '06 season . . . Jonny Gomes batted .216 with 20 homers while whiffing 116 times in 385 at-bats last year. Wonder if he's ever heard of Rob Deer . . . Assuming resists the urge to impale any umpires with his Louisville Slugger, Delmon Young will be a five-tool star sooner rather than later, but I'm not sure baseball's premier outfield prospect will hit for power right away. He whacked just 8 homers in 342 at-bats at Durham last season . . . With Young, Elijah Dukes, and B.J. Upton, the D-Rays seem to have cornered the market on prospects who are as troubled as they are talented. Wouldn't it be something if Josh Hamilton, given a second (or third . . . or fourth . . .) chance in Cincinnati, ends up being better than all of them?

Breakthrough player: Kazmir. This is the year he dominates everyone else the way he does the Red Sox.

Breakdown player: Rocco Baldelli. Injuries will continue to prevent the pride of Rhode Island from living up to his immense natural ability.

Completely random Bill James stat: Shawn Camp was second in the AL in relief wins with 7, trailing only Seattle's Julio Mateo.

Late night menu

How about a Reyes-quick Nine Innings on the MLB playoffs . . .


1. Prompted by the rejuvenated, follically blessed Magglio Ordonez's ALCS-winning walkoff tonight, I offer you this Great What-If Question: How would Red Sox history be different had the Manny, Nomar and Jon Lester for A-Rod and Ordonez swap not been (mercifully?) derailed by Donald Fehr's minions in the winter of '03? I'm assuming it's safe to suggest there'd be no Faith Rewarded video, but how else might have history changed? Discuss.

2. Talk about your unsung heroes. Tigers shortstop Carlos Guillen batted .320 with a .919 OPS, clubbed 19 homers, drove in 85 runs and scored 100, swiped 20 bases, and selflessly moved to an unfamiliar position, first base, after Sean Casey was injured in the ALDS. Unfortunately, he does not play in the Bronx and has not mastered the fist pump, the calm-eyed stare, or the Throw A-Rod Under The Bus Maneuver, and so his great success remains largely anonymous, particularly to Tim McCarver and the Fox nitwits still lamenting the Yankees' early exit.

3. I don't have my copy of "Moneyball" in front of me, but if I recall the anecdote correctly, A's GM Billy Beane shattered a chair in a fury when, against his wishes and philosophy at the time, Oakland selected high school pitcher named Jeremy Bonderman in the first round of the 2001 draft. That considered, you have to wonder what piece of furniture he punished last night.

4. Quite a few columns coming out of the NLCS suggest Albert Pujols is becoming as surly as he is talented. Take it for what it's worth - this particular column reads like a scorned reporter getting his revenge - but I think I might understand why Pujols would be in a sour mood. I was grumpy when I was approaching my 35th birthday, too.

5. I simply cannot believe Darren Oliver is still in the major leagues, let alone as a mildly effective long reliever. He looked cooked when the Sox had to take him and his rich contract from the Rangers as "compensation" for making Carl Everett extinct in Boston. I'll consider it one more hint that I should tie my two-month old son's right arm behind his back immediately. Oliver is one more example of the Jesse Orosco Rule: Lefties will live a long and lucrative life in baseball just as long as they are occasionally effective.

6. Judging by his stellar guest stint on Baseball Tonight this week, when Vernon Wells's baseball career concludes in a dozen years or so, he should have a seat waiting for him as a studio analyst. He was excellent - polished, insightful (particularly in discussing pitchers' stuff), articulate, and quick-witted. Of course, ESPN being ESPN, they'll probably instead hire Eric Byrnes, who in the same gig looked and talked like he just rolled out of Spicoli's van.

7. I ran that last theory by one of my work buddies. His well-considered reply: "If Byrnes is Spicoli, does that make Gammons Mr. Hand?" Well, yeah, I say that's reasonable if we're remaking "Fast Times" with "Baseball Tonight" personalities . . . though I must draw the line at John Kruk re-enacting the Phoebe Cates pool scene.

8. I've always thought Tony La Russa's managerial reputation vastly exceeded his accomplishments (how did he not win more than one title with the Juicin' A's of the late-'80s?). But if he commands enough respect from Bill Belichick that the Patriots coach swaps his trusty hoodie for a dorky La Russa gamer, well, maybe I'll give "3 Nights In August" a read after all.

9. Two takes on today's news that Steve Lyons was fired by Fox for making racially insensitive comments to Lou Piniella on the air the other night: It must have been a last straw type of thing for Psycho, because while his comments may have been offensive to some people, Fox isn't exactly known for holding itself to a classy standard. I bet he kept "accidentally" pulling down his pants at company picnics or something. 2) Please tell a racist joke on the air, McCarver. Please. And if it's not too much to ask, maybe that smug nepotism case Thom Brennaman could repeat it . . .

Nine innings 5.31.06

Playing nine innings while wishing Mike Timlin and Jason Varitek had skipped the World Baseball Classic . . .

1. So it looks like Roger Clemens is remaining in Houston. Can't say I'm surprised, though as one who declared the Rocket officially dead to me the moment he first put on the pinstripes, I have to admit I'm a little more disappointed than I thought I'd be. It would have made for neat closure - not mention great copy - for him to return to Boston to finish his legendary career. But sentiment has never been in Clemens's repertoire, at least as a substitute for cold, hard cash, and any hopes of a Rocket Reconciliation became a pipe dream a few weeks ago when the Astros made it clear they would match the Sox and Yankees dollar for dollar while continuing to let Clemens live his life of convenience. Oh, well. Guess we'll have to wait 'til next year, when he puts us through the whole "I'm 99 percent retired unless a team offers me $20 mil for three months' work" routine again.

2. Is Curt Schilling a Hall of Famer? At first glance at his baseball-reference.com page, an unbiased fan would probably say no. He's never won a Cy Young award, though he's finished second three times. He's won more than 20 three times in the previous five seasons, but he never won more than 17 in the first 13 years of his career. And while the 200th win was a hell of an accomplishment, didn't you think he surpassed that milestone a few years ago? His similarity scores don't exactly bunch him with a pitching staff's worth of Cooperstown shoo-ins, either. David Cone is the most similar pitcher to him, and that certainly seems valid. But others on the list include Dwight Gooden, Kevin Brown, Jimmy Key and Bob Welch - fine pitchers all, but not Hall of Famers by any stretch. Of course, Schilling has a scrapbook full of defining moments that are worthy of a plaque - pitching the D-Backs past the Yankees in the '01 World Series, helping the grubby Phillies to the '93 Series, and I think I've heard something about a bloody sock that sounds pretty heroic. His postseason record - 7-2 with a 2.06 ERA - gives him the right to claim he's one of the best clutch pitchers in recent history. Ultimately, I think he'll get in - hey, never said I was unbiased - but a few more seasons of 15+ wins couldn't hurt his case.

3. Who bats leadoff? Does it really matter that much? Talk about your 'EEI-driven faux controversies. No matter which way Tito Francona approaches this, the Sox will be fine. If Coco Crisp leads off, the Sox have an fleet-cleated instigator atop the lineup, with Kevin Youkilis dropping down to add depth to the lineup. But if Youkilis remains in the leadoff spot - and with a .420-something OBP, he couldn't have done a better job - Crisp has enough pop in his bat that batting sixth or seventh is not out of the question. They're both versatile offensive players, and they're going to help the Sox score a lot of runs no matter where they are situated in the lineup. It's win-win, either way.

4. While it's tempting to take a page from one of the New York tabloids and suggest the best way to deal with a tormenting opponent is by putting a fastball in his ear hole, instead I'm going to take the high road and say there's no shame in getting beat by Vernon Wells. While he is one of about six Sox Killers in the Toronto lineup, the difference between Wells and the relentlessly aggravating Gregg Zauns, Reed Johnsons and Frank Catalanottos of the world is that the Jays center fielder is among the premier (and most underrated) all-around players in the American League, and very possibly an MVP-in-waiting. If you're going to get whupped, he's the kind of player who should whup you.

5. This Week's Reason Jerry Trupiano Isn't Qualified To Call The Shoot-Water-In-The-Clown's-Nose Game at Funtown USA: A few nights ago - I can't remember which particular game it was - the Sox were down to their final out. Joe Castiglione, sounding like his dog ran away as he always does when Sox defeat is inevitable, was trying to call what would be the game's final pitches. ("Pahhped him up . . . (sigh) . . . this should do it . . . ") But, inexplicably, Trupiano kept talking over him, babbling on about how the Kansas City Royals overlooked a local kid named Albert Pujols several years ago and now their in-state rival was reaping the rewards. Now, you don't have to listen to many to broadcasts to realize Troop left his heart in St. Louis - I'm still skeptical that he was pulling for his employer in the 2004 World Series - but is he so oblivious that he finds it acceptable to go off on a tangent during the game's final moments? With a story about the freakin' Royals? I wonder if he would find it at all interesting that the Red Sox supposedly scouted and worked out Pujols and ultimately chose not to draft him way back when, thinking, the story goes, that he was a decent hitting prospect but couldn't play a position? At least that tale might have been relevant to his listeners.

6. I'm not saying he's a wimp, but in terms of mound demeanor, Matt Clement is starting to make Derek Lowe look like Bob Gibson. Okay, I guess I'm saying he's a wimp. And while we're at it, can all the armchair pitching coaches please stop talking about how he has excellent stuff? He doesn't. What he has is a 90 MPH straight fastball that he struggles to spot, and a sharp slider that is as likely to find the middle of the plate as it is the webbing of Jason Varitek's mitt. Cripes, Rudy Seanez has better stuff than that. Clement's might have been excellent once. It's average at best now.

7. Random football note: Peter King predicted in his MMQB column that the Pats and Cowboys will meet in next season's Super Bowl. Sounds reasonable . . . but wait. King also predicted that the Lesser of Bills would win the matchup, Dallas taking a 23-21 victory. Sounds like Mr. King's frequent references to drinking Starbucks beverages are actually euphemisms for sniffing glue.

8. Now that Balco Barry has finally hobbled past the Bambino, I trust that ESPN will halt its all-Bonds, all-the-time coverage and get back to its regularly scheduled programming. Namely, Stu Scott Why-The-Bleep-Is-He-Rhyming-The-Royals-Vs.-Tigers-Highlights Poetry Slams interspersed with Which Teammate Terrell Owens Is Ripping Today updates every 20 minutes. That is the plan? Whew. Such a relief. That ombudsman really gets it done, huh?

9. As for today's Completely Random Baseball Card:



Remember that Sox-Yanks game in, oh, I believe it was in '86, when one of the Yankees' mustached, vulgar, wife-beater wearing, truly elegant and classy fans plucked the hat off Jim Rice's head? And remember how one daring, bat-wielding member of the Sox went into the stands with Jim Ed to "reacquire" the hat? That was our man LaSchelle here. He might not have been much of a hitter, but he was one hell of a wingman. We tip our hat to him, and we bet Rice would too.

Blame Canada

Playing a spontaneous, real-time Nine Innings while watching the Sox piss away a 6-2 lead in the eighth inning . . .

1. Whoa, check out! A Manny Ramirez sighting! Now that we know that Manny is indeed going to hit a home run this season (whoops, there goes another one . . . make it two), can the 'EEI mouthbreathers please get back to much more pressing matters, such as yowling about the backup catcher and the fourth freakin' outfielder, spinning Bronson Arroyo's numbers to make him sound like the modern day Babe Ruth, and - this is the important one, so listen up, Tubby - dropping to your knees and praying to the great Marconi in the sky that the rumor isn't true and the Sox radio rights don't end up with WBOS. Because then you might finally discover that those ratings you are always crowing about reflect more on the teams you are affiliated with than the talent-free buffoons you employ.

2. Mark Loretta reminds me a lot of Bill Mueller, and I think every Sox fan would agree that such a statement is high praise.

3. I've been a fan since his Sea Dog days, but I'm beginning to suspect A.J. Burnett is Matt Clement with a $55 million contract and a chronically sore elbow.


4. I usually think Jerry Remy's analysis is spot-on, but I had to disagree with him tonight. I have no doubt Beckett was trying to nail Aaron Hill the half inning after Alex Gonzalez got his by a Jason Frasor curveball. He took a little off his fastball and hit the bull's-eye on Hill's shoulder, pretty much what a pitcher is taught to do when he's trying to send a message or exact some sort of silly revenge. Whether it was intentional or not though, it jostled awake the Jays, and three homers later we might have had our first instance of Beckett's alleged immaturity hurting the ballclub.

5. If it were revealed tomorrow that Don Orsillo is not really human, but a vinyl-covered automaton whose "voice" is nothing but appropriate snippets of Sean McDonough's old broadcasts, well, let's just say that the only surprise would be that Remy didn't give the secret away long ago by shilling toy OrsilloBots on his ubiquitous website.

6. Doom-and-gloom prediction: Mike Timlin will be pitching far less meaningful innings a month from now.

7. According to reader Eric K., Wily Mo Pena repeatedly referred to Ron "Papa Jack" Jackson as "Papa John" during a pregame radio interview the other day. Wily Mo must have been impressed when he met him: "You mean he's a hitting coach AND a pizza maker? That's awesome, cat!"

8. Heaven knows the Sox have made some marginal Blue Jays look like All-Stars in recent years (yeah, we mean you, Johnson, and that goes double for you, Lilly) but there is absolutely no shame in getting beaten by Vernon Wells. If he's not the best all-around outfielder in the American League, he's on a very short list. What a player.

9. As for today's Completely Random Baseball Card:



How's this for a segue: I'll check in tomorrow with a player-by-player wrapup of the Celtics. You know, for the seven of you that actually care. Hey, there's a reason I saved it for the weekend.

(Sox lose in 12, 7-6. Not to get all technical and Baseball Prospectus-ish on you, but Rudy Seanez sucks. Ah, well. Hope Remy remembers to unplug Orsillo before he takes off.)

Oh, and what the hell - one more Completely Random Baseball Card just for the fun of it:



Moseby, the Jays' center fielder during their first winning seasons, was outstanding for a time, but Wells is the player he was supposed to be.