Free and easy (down the road)

Ten free minutes for me, 10 free half-formed thoughts for you . . .


1. While the Merril Hoge's of the world continue to spew their concussed nonsense about some "blueprint" to beat the Pats, I have to say that I'm actually more confident that they're going to run the table than I have been all season. Here's why: 1) Laurence Maroney is running with more determination and ferocity than I can recall seeing since the beginning of his rookie season. 2) Richard Seymour looks fully healthy for the first time this season, Tedy Bruschi is suddenly rejuvenated and running around like a madman again, and long-lost Eugene Wilson appears to be regaining his usefulness, meaning that their defense is peaking at the perfect time. 3) I have complete faith that once the postseason arrives and every throw matters again, Tom Brady will stop trying to play pitch-and-catch with Randy Moss even when No. 81 is quintuple covered, and the entire passing offense will again become viciously efficient and prolific.

2. A subtlety smart move the Patriots made last season: signing Jabar Gaffney to a two-year contract after he got cut by the Eagles. One other thing about TATB's new football binky: in 2005 with the Texans, he caught 55 passes for 492 yards . . . resulting in a puny 8.9 average. I can't think of a receiver ever having a lower YPC during a productive season. I suppose that's what you'd call the David Carr Effect.

3. Jon Beason, the Miami linebacker we thought the Patriots would take in the first round, is third in the NFL in tackles (130) in his rookie season with Carolina. Another rookie who was long gone before the Pats picked - San Francisco dynamo Patrick Willis - leads the league with 162 tackles, and Jets freshman David Harris is tied for 10th (115). I'm not going to pretend I know how well any of these players would fit the Patriots' system, but from my uneducated perspective it sure looks like the past draft would have been a fine time to take that young linebacker they're going to need in the coming seasons.

4. The Celtics' three losses are a two-point loss at Orlando, a five-point overtime loss at Cleveland, and two-point loss to Detroit - three very winnable games. I'm not saying they would be 26-0 - there are certainly a couple they have won that they could have lost - but they're a lot closer to perfection that most of us realize.

5. The Miami Heat is 8-21, the worst record in the Eastern Conference. Pat Riley, never one to stick it out at the expense of his career winning percentage, should be resigning from "exhaustion" any day now.

6. I hope Dan Shaughnessy is correct in his column today and this is the year Jim Rice, the Sox' slugging superhero in my first seasons as a fan, gets the call from Cooperstown. But I just can't convince myself enough voters will change their minds on him the season to put him over the 75 percent threshold.

7. I'm skeptical that the Sox's interest in Johan Santana is 100 percent genuine as it is - I'm fairly certain they just want to see Hank the Tank cave in and give up Hughes and Kennedy - but the thing that makes me really believe they won't make this trade is the ace lefty's request for a seven-year, $140 million deal. There is simply no way Theo Epstein agrees to pay any pitcher $20 million dollars per season at age 35, let alone one who will cost a collection of fine prospects in trade and who showed subtle signs of decline at 28.

8. Wonder how baseball's version of George Michael and Andrew Ridgeley feel about each other these days. Andy Pettitte's admission that he tried HGH was basically an indictment of Roger Clemens, his longtime teammate and workout buddy. Pettitte, to his credit, took the honest way out. Clemens called his lawyers, sought out Steinbrenner crony Mike Wallace to interview him, and issued a string of non-denial denials. Pretty much what you'd expect from both of them, actually.

9. Just when I start wondering if karma is nothing but a convoluted way for people to convince themselves that the cruel injustices of the world will eventually be righted, Clemens's career ends with him hobbling off the mound in a losing cause, then has his reputation and baseball resume irreparably damaged by his very own cheatin' heart. And then, oddly enough, I find myself a believer in such a concept again.

10. As for today's Completely Random Baseball Card:


Because sometimes, it really is random.

First and 10: Patriots 34, Steelers 13

1. In the aftermath of Sunday's thoroughly enjoyable dissection of the Pittsburgh Steelers, an opponent that once again talked a better game than it played, I was left with one lingering question: Is it possible that the Patriots are actually better than they're currently getting credit for? Take a glance at the standings, and you'll realize that they've encountered more than their share of high-quality opponents on their way to 13-0. Consider: They've defeated two teams that already locked up their division (Dallas, Indy), clobbered two teams that current lead their division (San Diego, Pittsburgh), and beat a second-place team (Cleveland) that deserves nothing but respect. The combined record of those five teams, minus their five losses to the Patriots: 48-12. In my usual roundabout way, this is what I'm trying to say: I'm finally convinced that 19-0 is realistic, and perhaps even likely. Imagine that.

2. We won't waste much bandwidth here on Steelers safety Anthony Smith's ridiculous "guarantee"; his public humiliation at Gillette Stadium stands as the ultimate response. But I will say that I can't recall Bill Belichick ever disparaging an opposing player to the media, which made his postgame comment about Smith ("We've played against much better safeties than him") all the more telling. He clearly has exactly zero respect for the player, and I'm not sure if Smith is sharp enough to realize this, but his comments succeeded only in pinning a bull's-eye on his own uniform. Maybe next time he'll realize it's not wise to offer bulletin-board material to a team that thrives on turning even perceived slights into on-field fury.


3. Of course I realize Tom Brady is having a season for the ages, but you know what really hammered it home for me Sunday? When CBS put up a simple graphic late in the game that showed his number of touchdown passes alongside his interceptions. I mean, 45 to 5? A 9-to-1 ratio? That's just sick. The only time you ever see stats that swollen is when you play Madden in the franchise mode at the Pro level. (Not that I've ever done such a thing, of course. I'm an adult. A father. A man of responsibility. Mature. I have no time for video games. Think my wife's buying it yet?) My point: If Brady maintains this record pace and the Pats do run the table en route to a fourth championship, how can anyone make the case that there's been a better quarterback in the history of the league? I mean, I know Montana and Unitas and Elway and Marino have their admirers, and Peter King will surely tell us that Tony Romo leads the league in smiles and that no one gives a better foot massage than Brett Favre, but it terms of genuine accomplishment - statistically and in the win column - won't Brady's resume as The Greatest be undeniable?

4. I've written this before, multiple times, but after his seven-catch, 122-yard performance, I have to ask the question again: How in the hell was Jabar Gaffney out of the league for more than a month last season? You'll recall that the Pats brought him in as a street free agent Oct. 9, 36 days after he was released by the Eagles. He ended up emerging as Brady's most dependable receiver in the postseason, catching 21 passes in three games, and considering how many receivers have struggled to learn the Patriots playbook (Donald Hayes should have it solved any day now), his quick acclimation was tribute to his intelligence. He's not big, and he's not particularly fast, but he's a very good and reliable football player, and I'm coming to appreciate him more with each passing week. Why the Texans and Eagles, not to mention all the teams that passed him up on waivers, failed to recognize his attributes remains a mystery.

5. I suppose you could insert your own HGH joke here, but it must be noted that Rodney Harrison has been playing out of his mind since the beginning of the fourth quarter of the Ravens game. I was beginning to think the years and the injuries had sapped him of his Hall of Fame skills, but ol' No. 37 has looked five years younger lately, and that's a wonderful development considering safety play was one of our few legitimate concerns about this team. Now, if only the long-lost Eugene Wilson could experience a similar revival. I did see him on the field against the Steelers, which counts as progress.

6. Quick Red Sox note: I keep catching myself hoping that the Johan Santana deal happens, even though all logic tells me that the smartest decision would be to hang on to Jacoby Ellsbury and/or Jon Lester, along with the rest of the prospect ransom the Twins would require for the two-time Cy Young winner. I'm suspicious that Santana, at 28, has already peaked, especially when I hear those alarming reports that he was reluctant to throw his slider last season. But . . . there's just enough of a chance that he's capable of being baseball's premier pitcher for another three or four seasons that the thought of him pitching for the Red Sox is tantalizing, and I'll admit part of the reason I'd like to see him here is to keep him away from the Yankees, who remain so desperate for a true ace. I'm sure I'll experience some level of buyer's remorse should the deal happen, but right now I'm hoping Santana is in Boston come opening day.

7. I always think - actually, make that hope - the Patriots are going to take a linebacker high in the draft, whether it was Lofa Tatupu three seasons ago or Patrick Willis or Jon Beason this season. For a variety or reasons, they never do. But - and I know we're getting well ahead of ourselves here - I think it finally happens this season. I'm convinced that if the Patriots do end up with the No. 2 pick in the draft, they'll take Virginia's Chris Long, a defensive end who is expected to switch to outside linebacker in the pros. Everything you hear about him - he's versatile and athletic, his motor never stops, his football intelligence is off the charts - makes him sound like a Mike Vrabel clone, and his pedigree is certainly impressive: he's the son of Hall of Famer Howie Long. He sounds like just the kind of player Belichick and Scott Pioli covet, and while the common belief is that the Patriots like Arkansas running back Darren McFadden, I'm betting that Long will ultimately be their guy.

8. I've always appreciated the work Gil Santos and Gino Cappelletti do on the Patriots' broadcast. They're the voices of autumn in these parts, as familiar and comfortable as an old flannel shirt, and considering how Jonathan Kraft always comes across as an arrogant snot whenever he's interviewed (not to mention that he's responsible for the shrieking abomination that is Andy Gresh) I have no faith that he'll find worthy replacements for them when the time comes. Sad to say, I fear the time is coming. It's not an exaggeration to say it's a surprise at this point when they properly identify a pass catcher on the first try, and it was hardly unexpected that they bungled the two biggest plays of the past two weeks: Gaffney's winning catch at Baltimore (Gil originally called it incomplete, then said he couldn't see it), and the Brady-to-Moss-to-Brady-to-Gaffney flea-flicker Sunday (Gil told us Donte' Stallworth caught the TD). Maybe what they need is a competent spotter to help them quickly with player IDs and such, but right now it feels like the game has become too fast for them to keep up at a sufficient level of competence.

9. As I write this, the snow-globe scene outside the living room window has me in the holiday spirit, and having said all we have to say on the New England football juggernaut (dude, they're awesome!), well, what the heck, here are five TATB-sanctioned Christmas songs:

1. "Christmas Time Is Here," Vince Guaraldi Trio: When I was in first grade, I drew such a kick-ass, spot-on Snoopy that I was convinced I was going to grow up to work for - and eventually replace - Charles Schulz. (Actually, I can probably admit now that I often traced my Snoopy masterpieces. I was like a 7-year-old Larry Johnson, except I knew something about sports.) In all seriousness, my affection for the Peanuts is genuine to this day - this occupies a prominent spot in my home office - and it was much to my satisfaction that my 3-year-old daughter began the majority of her days this summer by insisting upon watching her "A Charlie Brown Christmas" DVD as she devoured her Cheerios. Even in July, it sure beats the hell out of watching Elmo.

2. "Blue Christmas," Elvis: A much more appropriate and appealing option than his lesser-known, late-career holiday single, "All I Want For Christmas Is A Peanut Butter-Banana-And-Quaalude Sandwich."

3. "Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas," The Carpenters: Forget that freaky brother-sister dynamic. You know Karen had the voice of an angel. A really skinny angel, sure, but an angel nonetheless. (Too soon?)

4. "Merry Christmas, Alabama," Jimmy Buffett: The heartfelt way he sings "Merry Christmas, Tenn-uh-see" . . . well, not to get too sappy, but it just sounds so genuine and sincere. It's a wonder Kenny Chesney hasn't released a thinly disguised knockoff himself already. I'm assuming "Alabama, Have A Merry Christmas," will be ready in time for Christmas '08.

5. "Same Old Lang Syne," Dan Fogelberg: Sure, the lyrics are hackneyed ("We took her groceries to the checkout stand/
The food was totaled up and bagged" Wha?) and it's generally cheesier than Rosie O'Donnell's quads, but it still stands alone as the greatest recorded tribute to getting bleep-faced with an ex in the front seat of her car in a grocery store parking lot on Christmas Eve. So it's got that going for it, which is nice.

10. As for today's Completely Random Football Card:


Only someone who's endured multiple concussions could find a way to rank the Steelers ahead of the Patriots today. C'mon, you can do it, Merrill. Fire off those last three working synapses and come up with some with some justification for dismissing the Patriots today.

Nine innings 08.04.07

Playing nine innings (multi-sport edition) while feeling bad about ripping on J.D. Drew now that we know what he's going through . . .





1. Yup, apparently I'm making Kevin Garnett photo collages now. I guess it's still just surreal that perhaps the most likable NBA superstar of the last decade is on the Celtics, and I'm still savoring the whole thing, four days after the trade. It's funny, I've been trying to explain how significant this is to the lapsed Celtics fans I know, and I just keep coming back to the same point: Kevin Garnett will restore Celtic Pride. I guarantee it. He is the perfect player in the perfect place at the perfect time. He's a superstar who plays with the hunger and desperation of a 12th man. He's maniacal about winning. He's selfless, sometimes to a fault, though with Paul Pierce and Ray Allen as his wingmen, he won't always be counted on to take the last shot. He's a genuine leader who gets bonus points for once socking Wally Szczerbiak. His charisma, as those only vaguely familiar with him learned at his introductory press conference, is off the charts. He will thrive in the Boston sports atmosphere, and the city is going to adore him. There's nothing not to like about this deal, for the Celtics matter now, and if it took trading five players (including the admirable Al Jefferson and Ryan Gomes) and two draft picks to make that happen, I say it was a bargain price to pay. Of course there's no way the Celtics should be getting 9-1 odds to win the championship, and of course they need to build some semblance of a bench before they can even be considered a contender. But you've heard the the buzzword we've been throwing around the last few days - "relevance" - and no matter whether Danny Ainge's plan to restore the franchise was by luck or design, he has made the Celtics relevant by bringing Garnett to Boston. I simply cannot wait for opening night. When was the last time any of us said that?

2. I'm not saying this Barry Bonds "chase" is dragging, but by the time he gets to 756, his ubiquitous daughter is going to be married with a family of her own, Greg Anderson will have escaped from Alcatraz or wherever he's rotting away with his misplaced loyalty, and Bud Selig and his snap-on toupee will have long since gone to the great used-car lot in the sky.

3. Assuming Randy Moss's hamstring is okay - and wouldn't that be a bummer to you, me, and Mr. Brady if this thing lingers into the season? - here's how I rate the Patriots' bounty of receivers. 1. Moss (He's still got it.) 2. Wes Welker (He's already on the same page as Brady, who raves about him.) 3. Jabar Gaffney (Smart, and the longer he is here, the better he gets.) 4. Donte Stallworth (An injury-prone tease.) 5. Troy Brown (They wouldn't have brought him back if there wasn't a guaranteed place for him . . . right?) 6. Reche Caldwell (Stop staring at me!) 7. Kelley Washington (Too skilled not to catch on elsewhere). 8. Chad Jackson (Take the year off, kid, and learn the playbook.)

4. Eddie House is the definition of an NBA vagabond, but he's going to be a popular player with the Celtics. He can shoot it (and as a Garbage Time All-Star, he's not shy about doing so), and as anyone who read ":07 Seconds Or Less," Jack McCallum's excellent book on the '05-'06 Phoenix Suns, can attest, he's a clubhouse comedian, armed with countless hilarious anecdotes and one-liners. He'll be a good fit here, and I bet he's an honorary member of Garnett's legendary posse in no time.

5.Just when you thought the pink hat-pandering Red Sox couldn't get more crass, you discover they are selling autographed Jon Lester "Survivor" baseballs on Red Sox.com - and donating only 10 percent of the profits to the Jimmy Fund. Shouldn't, say, 100 percent of the profits go to the franchise's signature charity? I hope there is a genuinely philanthropic reason for this, but right now it sure looks like an shameful money grab by the Sox marketing minions, and one that takes advantage of Lester's status as an inspiration.

6. Watching a droopy-faced Roger Clemens lumber off the mound in the second inning Thursday to a chorus of Bronx cheers, I had two thoughts: 1) Thanks goodness he's finally in the twilight of his career there and not here, and, 2) Of all the dramatic things you've evah seen, Suzyn, where does this rank?

7. I'll admit I'm hooked on "The Bronx Is Burning," not that I think it's any good. Oliver Platt's portrayal of George Steinbrenner is way too cartoonish (yes, that's possible), the emphasis on the Yankees' clubhouse drama relegates the fascinating Son of Sam and NYC blackout subplots to haphazardly tacked-on footnotes, and the actor playing Reggie Jackson really looks like Jackie Chiles in an Afro wig. At least the guy playing Thurman Munson is a ringer for the aeronautically challenged Yankees captain (ouch . . . too soon?), though his portrayal fails to capture Munson's chronic grumpiness. It's a fun, mindless diversion, I suppose, especially for a child of the '70s, but more than anything it's made me want to read Jonathan Mahler's well-regarded book.

8. In my typically ham-handed way of begging you to read this week's Fox column, I've got a hypothetical for you. Say the Twins make Johan Santana, a free agent after '08 who recently voiced his frustration with the front office, available in a deal this offseason. Put on your gorilla suit and pretend you're Theo Epstein for a moment, then ask yourself this: What would you offer Terry Ryan in exchange for the two-time Cy Young Award winner? Obviously, the bidding starts with Clay Buchholz. But who else is in the package? Jon Lester? Justin Masterson? Jacoby Ellsbury? Buchholz, Lester, Masterson, and Ellsbury? What do you think it would take . . . and what would you do? Discuss.

9. Today's completely random baseball card:


This one's a hat tip to TATB writing binky Joe Posnanski, who reminded me with this piece why I fell for baseball 29 years ago, and why it's still such a part of me despite my working in a profession that turns fans into cynics.

TATB live: Dynasty vs. Martyball

I've got my good-luck old-school Pat Patriot shirt on, the Sam Adams is cold and plentiful, and that just-completed Bears-Seahawks game made for one hell of an opening act.

It's all good. Well, almost all of it. I've got but one minor request . . . could someone please tell mushmouth Shannon Sharpe and his CBS studio cohorts to SHUT THE $($*$* UP SO WE CAN START THE GAME!! IT'S ALREADY 4:39 AND I'VE BEEN READY FOR SOME *$#*#* FOOTBALL SINCE, OH, 4:32 P.M. LAST SUNDAY! LET'S GO ALREADY!! WHILE WE'RE YOUNG!!!

(And as if on cue, here's Jim Nantz, with his patented smarmy intro: "There are only five teams remaining in the chase for the Lombardi Trophy . . . blah blah blah Tomlinson blah blah sunny skies blah blah Belichick and Brady." I can't even focus. I'm honestly feeling the butterflies in the gut. I smell a classic.)

(And of course, my wife is jacked and pumped as well: "This is going to be a LONG night. Sigh. This had better be over in time for Desperate Housewives." Trust me, by the end of this game, she's going to be one.)

FIRST QUARTER
The Chargers get the rock first, and Tomlinson sprints left for 11 yards the first time he touches the ball. Not a good omen - the Patriots' ability to contain perhaps the best running back in NFL history is obviously of major concern today. I'm also wondering how the hell they intend to cover Antonio Gates considering Tedy Bruschi couldn't cover Hart Lee Dykes at this point. I also think Philip Rivers is going to be better than people expect. Belichick usually gets into a quarterback's head the second time he faces him rather than the first, and Rivers was the MVP of every bowl game he played in during college. This isn't indifferent Eli Manning we're talking about here. The kid is legit. (Is that Chicken Little-ish enough for you? I know, I sound like Felger.)

All right, the good ol' reverse jinx worked on the first series. The Chargers moved the ball with some success but then stalled and ended up punting to Troy Brown, who collected the fair catch inside the 9. Nantz tells us the Belichick Patriots still have never allowed a first-series score in the postseason. Amazing.

After an incompletion to The Enigmatic Ben Watson (who should have had it) and a 2-yard horseplow by Dillon, the Chargers' Clinton Hart punches a sure interception to the ground after Brady's 3rd-and-8 pass was deflected. Guess we know why Mr. Hart plays defense rather than receiver. He has Mark Blount's mitts.

Chargers get it at midfield, but Tomlinson is stuffed on his first carry, and Rivers's receivers drop two catchable balls, looking jittery in the process. Pats get it back inside the 10 again.

Man, it's surprisingly loud and raucous at Qualcomm. All the surfer dudes must have laid off the weed this morning.

We're having a delay because of play clock problems, forcing the ref (don't know who he is since it's not Guns Hochuli) to admonish the guy running it. Looks like at least someone had his weed this morning.

Third-and-3, Shawne Merriman just blew past Nick Kaczur and clocked Brady as he threw. Incomplete. Looks like at least someone had his steroids this morning.

My suspicion is that the Pats intend to use Merriman's relentless aggression against him, probably with draw plays and screen passes in his direction. But there's also a frighteningly likely chance that he'll play Reggie White to Nick Kaczur's and Matt Light's Max Lane. Someone that big has no business being that quick. It's almost like he's unnatural or something.

Is rigid old Marty Schottenheimer still coaching this team? Really? Are we sure? The Chargers are getting too cutesy. After Tomlinson (who is the most elusive back I've seen since Barry Sanders, and twice as powerful) gets the Chargers a first and 10 at the Pats 30, San Diego runs a reverse. Minus-7. Then Rivers throws deep downfield for a pair of incompletions, the second one deflected away beautifully by Ellis Hobbs. Then the Chargers go for it on fourth and 11, and Rivers is buried by Mike Vrabel. Hopefully, they'll continue to play Martz-ball rather than Marty-ball and not do the wise thing: letting LT carry them.

And the visitors take the lead. The Pats methodically advance to the San Diego 32, the key play being a third and 4 draw to Kevin Faulk (where'd he go, Merriman?) for a first down, and Stephen Gostkowski comes on to drill a 50-yarder that would have been good from another 8 yards. The kid's doing pretty good considering HE'LL NEVER BE ADAM! (Whoops, channeled Felger again. My bad. Anyway, it's 3-0, Patriots, and as the first quarter winds to a close, the apple in Schottenheimer's throat just grew larger.

SECOND QUARTER
Love those Coors Light commercials that use the old, slightly altered footage from coaches' press conferences. Think Ditka was born with a mustache?

Tomlinson seems like he's been relatively quiet , , , and then you look up from the Mac and he has over 50 yards on the ground already. Yeesh. He's come close to breaking one once or twice, but Ty Warren and Vrabel in particular have done a nice job of hemming him in along the sidelines. Have I ever mentioned that I wrote a column at the Monitor imploring the Patriots not to draft him in 2001? Wasn't too fond of Richard Seymour, either, if I recall correctly. Sometimes, I wonder why I continue to offer you further evidence of my idiocy.

Chargers and Pats swap three-and-outs. Notable is Laurence Maroney's first appearance for the Pats. I'm wondering if the strategy is to wear down the Chargers' defense with Dillon, then hit them with Maroney when they're tired. Makes sense. That's how you do it on Madden, at least.

The Chargers go for it again on fourth and 1 at the Patriots 40, and this time it pays off. Michael Turner, Tomlinson's more-than-capable backup, busts up the middle for 20 yards. Phil Simms, who I've come to appreciate after enduring too many J.C. Pearsons and Randy Crosses this season, immediately says Turner is a better inside runner than Tomlinson. I'm throwing the b.s. flag on that.

What would a playoff game be without a little controversy? We have our first debatable call when, on the play immediately following Turner's run, Rivers throws a pea to Gates at the Patriots 2. Hobbs pops the ball out while Gates is still in the air, the Patriots dive on it, and San Diego immediately challenges the call. The verdict: incomplete pass, original call overturned. I think it's the correct call, but . . . dang, that's an opportunity lost.

Rivers goes back to Gates for nine yards on the next play, sneaks on third and 1 for the first down, and then hits Lorenzo Neal out of the backfield for eight yards, taking it to the Patriots 1. Guess who gets it next? No, not Michael Turner, Phil. It's Tomlinson, who hammers in behind the left side of his line for his 32d (thirty-second! touchdown this season. It's 7-3, Chargers, and suddenly, the overturned call looms large.

Simms says the Chargers look bigger and faster than the Patriots so far. Can't argue with that - the team that is playing better is winning . . .

. . . and just as I'm writing that last sentence, Brady throws one right into Donnie Edwards's breadbasket, No. 12's first interception in 168 attempts. (Insert string of expletives here.) You know it, but I suppose I'll say it anyway: The Pats simply cannot afford turnovers in this game, against this team. Brady hasn't been bad, but he needs to be better than this.

Fortunately, the Chargers do nothing with the opportunity, as Artrell Hawkins does a fine Rodney Harrison imitation and buries Rivers on a third-down blitz.

A montage of Schottenheimer's most painful playoff losses! Hang on, this could take a while . . .

(There's Elway . . . the drive!)

(And Byner . . . the fumble!)

(And . . . that's it? What, no Chiefs lowlights? . . . No Chargers' loss to the Jets? . . . Hmm, must be saving them for later.)

Pats go three-and-out again. There is 4:34 remaining in the half, and Brady is 4 of 12, with a rating below 10.0. Forget what I said a minute ago: He has been bad.

Simms: "We're starting to see some of the reasons why the Chargers were 14-2 in the regular season." Man, are we. Tomlinson catches a screen, fakes Hawkins out of his Nikes, blows past the Patriots' calcifying-before-our-eyes linebacking corps, and zips 58 yards to the Pats 10. On the next play, Turner takes it in, and looks positively Tomlinsonesque in doing so. It's 14-3, San Diego, and I'm beginning to wonder if a postmortem will be written before the fourth quarter arrives.

On the plus side, glad to see Puddy is getting work. Too bad David Spade has to be involved. No one's liked the dirty little weasel since he skipped out on Chris Farley's funeral.

Tomlinson has 143 total yards. The Patriots have 79. Draw whatever conclusions from that you wish.

Brady, now working out of the shotgun, makes his best throw of the day, hitting Jabar Gaffney for 17.5 yards on second and 17. With 24 seconds left in the half, Brady pegs Caldwell on third and 5, getting inside the San Diego 20. A touchdown is a necessity here.

Gaffney gets out of bounds at the 11 . . . 13 seconds left . . .

Donnie Edwards, unabated to the QB, advancing the Pats to the 6 . . .

And Brady, like he's done so many times before, salvages the half and very possibly the Patriots' hopes. Rolling left while sidestepping the San Diego swarm, he caps the drive by hitting Gaffney at the back of the end zone, and the Chargers head to halftime with the lead, 14-10, but none of the momentum. It's worth noting here that Schottenheimer looks like he's passing an anvil.

Quick thoughts at halftime: Brady has attempted 19 passes without being sacked. Merriman had better be sticking a needle in his ass right now . . . Boomer Esiason said the Patriots need to keep this close just to give "the greatest clutch quarterback of his generation" a shot at winning it at the end. I'm pretty sure he didn't mean Philip Rivers . . . Have I mentioned I think Boomer is damn good at his job? I never thought an ex-Jet would be so adept at analyzing the Patriots, but he's excellent . . . I want to see more Maroney in the second half, and I want the Pats to go to the spread offense more often if No. 39 isn't involved . . . I also hope Tomlinson decides at halftime to pull a Tiki Barber and decide what he really wants to do is be the next Matt Lauer, but I suppose I shouldn't hold my breath on that one.

THIRD QUARTER
Pats start out with lousy field position, and do nothing to improve it. I was hoping Todd Sauerbrun would take the second half off, but here he is again.

Okay, sorry for the brief hiatus there - it was dinnertime, and I don't miss too many of those. The chef served a delicious paprika chicken with a side order of rice and a Sam Adams Winter Lager. Four stars. Highly recommended. Anyway, with one eye on the TV, I saw: Brady's second bad interception of the game . . . a couple of closeups of Chargers d-lineman Luis Castillo, one of three proven steroid users on their defense (backup linebacker Stephen Cooper was caught with a bag full of goodies while at UMaine - the Chargers are like the Bash Brothers of the NFL) . . . a San Diego drive that went backward after advancing deep into Patriots' territory . . . a sack by James Sanders, who I still think it Lawyer Milloy every time I see No. 36 . . . and a great goal line save by the Chargers' Kasim Osgood to pin the Pats inside the 5 . . . time for another Drive, Marty.

Troy Brown, first down. How many times has Gil Santos said that over the years?

Draw play to Faulk on third and 4. Worked once . . . didn't work twice. Where the hell is Maroney, anyway?

Sauerbrun kills one, the Chargers' punt retuner (the name escapes me . . . Little Train James, perhaps?) tries catching it like it's on fire, and David Thomas recovers. Let this be the game-changing break we've been awaiting. Pats' ball at the San Diego 30.

Brady takes an ill-advised shot at the end zone, and a double-covered Watson rescues him from another pick, ripping the ball out of Cooper's hands.

Third and 13. Brady is creamed on a blitz, loses the ball, and the Pats fall on it. Drive over? Nope, thanks to some rockheaded Charger named Drayton Florence. After the play is over, he taunts Daniel Graham, then thinks it's a really swell idea to emphasize his point by headbutting him. Personal foul, first down, Patriots. Thank you, moron in blue.

It would be really cool if the Patriots could make some forward progress here. Brady just shortarmed a wide-open Watson at the 5.

Gostkowski. Bleepin' icewater, as Don Zimmer would say. (Of course, he said it about the terrified Bobby Sprowl . . . oh, forget it.) Anyway, the rookie nails his second field goal, it's 14-13, Bolts, and Schottenheimer was last seen fashioning a noose on the sidelines.

"Tina's here, we're getting back together!"
"Give us a minute!"
(Love the Geico cavemen.)

Gostkowski. Kick out of bounds. Chargers ball at the 40. No icewater to be found.

Merriman (0 sacks today) is in the lockerroom, apparently with cramps. Doesn't he know he's supposed to drink lots of water with his anabolic lunch?

With the Chargers gradually moving the ball in Patriots' territory, Rosey Colvin (who has been in the backfield all day) makes perhaps the defensive play of the season, reaching up over his shoulder to deflect and then intercept Rivers's floater toward the flat. He gets bonus points for holding on to the ball despite being hauled down by his facemask. Stay classy, San Diego.

FOURTH QUARTER
Brady is suddenly under siege, but he finds Gaffney (7 catches) near midfield with a perfect sideline throw. They have to score here.

Brady to Caldwell, then Brady to Gaffney . . . and on 3rd and 1, Brady's pass to Gaffney is busted up by Antonio (Don't Call Me Warren) Cromartie like he knew it was coming. Fourth and 1. Cue Keanu Reeves voice: What do you do? What do YOU do?

The Pats punt. I guess Belichick has never seen "Point Break." My initial instinct is to wish they'd gone for it. With Tomlinson on the other side, you never know how many more opportunities they'll get.

Wife: "I think the Patriots are going to win." Me, weeping gently: "Have you ever heard of a jinx?" Wife: "I'm always right about these things." We shall see. I'm contacting Alan Dershowitz just in case.

Tomlinson has 19 carries for 111 yards. With little more than 11 minutes remaining, I have a hunch he's about to increase his workload dramatically.

Asante Samuel just busted up a pass on a Rivers rollout. I think that's the first time I've heard his name today, which isn't necessarily a bad thing for a DB.

Arrrgggh. On third down, Rivers (who is just 10 for 24), hits Gates on a textbook slant, and the Chargers are inside the 40. One play later, Rivers floats one to 6-foot-5 Vincent Jackson (who scared the hell of me coming into this game), and he outleaps 5-foot-8 Hobbs for 31 yards. Tomlinson scoots in from the 3 on the next play, and it's 21-13, Chargers with 8:38 remaining. Oh, and they shouldn't have punted.

Brady's getting killed, and his receivers aren't getting open . . . with exception of Gaffney, who just beat Quintin Jammer for 17 yards. Brady must be an honorary Gator at this point.

Fourth and 5. Play of the season right here . . . and you would not believe how it played out if you didn't see it. Brady throws his third pick of the game, only to have intended receiver Troy Brown bust out his DB skills and poke the ball away from Chargers DB Marlon McCree. Patriots recover, Schottenheimer emerges from the fetal position long enough to challenge the call . . . and if this is overturned, I'm heaving this computer out the window.

The play stands. The computer survives. Pats ball at the San Diego 30, 6:16 remaining. Needless to say, they need 8 on this drive.

All right, I'll admit it: Ben Watson is an overrated stiff. No catches today, can't catch anything that isn't thrown perfectly, and just retreated inexplicably on a Brady pass in the flat. He's a NFL Combine warrior who looks the part but struggles to play it.

Gaffney just made his 10th catch of the day, good for a first-down. You'd have to say he's the best in-season singing since . . . well, since Artrell Hawkins last year.

Watson catches one. Stop the game, give him the ball. Second and goal at the 4 . . .

. . . and former Bolt bust Reche Caldwell hauls one in all alone in the corner, getting the Pats to within 2, 21-19. I'm sure that just thrills San Diego fans.

I was guessing they'd run the ol' direct snap to Faulk. I bet Charlie Weis was, too. Schottenheimer apparently was not, and this one is all even at 21-21 with slightly more than four minutes left. I've got goosebumps.

So who do you like, Gostkowski or Kaeding?

Third and 4, Chargers, at the Patriots 30-something. This would be a fine time for Samuel to get his weekly interception . . .

. . . almost. But that deflection is the second-best thing.

Simms and Nantz are kicking ass in this game. Just thought that needed to be said.

Faulk, taking punts? Yikes. I know he's had plenty of hero moments for the Pats through the years, but I will never, ever trust him with the game on the line. He hangs on this time, though, and it's Pats ball at their own 15. Time for Brady to do his thing . . . and no, wiseguy, that does not mean throwing a fourth pick.

Nantz, back to being smarmy: ". . . of course, that's not Vinatieri warming up over there." And with that, I hereby retract my previous praise of his call. Dink.

Third and 10 at the San Diego 31. Troy Brown, anyone? Or does Brady go to Jabar (Jerry Rice '07) Gaffney?

Wait, is that David Givens? No? Must be Deion Branch? Stanley Morgan? It can't be one of those useless receivers Felger is always yowling about . . . can it? Oh, but it is! On third and 10, Brady makes the throw of the day, finding the utterly useless, barely upright, lucky-he's-in-the-NFL Reche Caldwell for . . . well, for a lot of yards down the right sideline. (Edit: Turns out it was 49.) If not for a shove by the toasted Jammer that forced him to lose his balance and tiptoe out of bounds, Caldwell would have found his way to the end zone. As it is, the Patriots have first and 10 inside the 20. What. A. Ballsy. Play.

(Oh, and we're going to conveniently forget that I've whined about Caldwell and his no-name peers on occasion this season. Okay, on a lot of occasions. That's why Belichick's Belichick, Pioli's Pioli, and I'm an idiot blogger.)

Wow, three straight basic running plays - seems like they're content to settle for the field goal here, and to be honest, I'm not so comfortable with this strategy. Anyway, I guess we're getting our chance to see Gostkowski attempt a crucial kick now, a 31-yarder.

Good. Bless the kid. 24-21, Pats. And you know what? I guarantee you Adam Vinatieri is watching this one someplace and smiling.

Chargers have 70 seconds and no timeouts. Did I mention that I'm still scared of Vincent Jackson? He's about a foot taller than either Patriots corner.

Whew! Turner might have broken that return if not for the new sod. They really should get FieldTurf, you know.

Beautiful work by Rivers, moving the Chargers down to the Pats. The Charger QB's numbers can't be much today, but I'm impressed nonetheless. Eli Manning will never be as good. Oh, right . . . and the game: 8 seconds left, Kaeding attempting a 54-yarder, which would tie his career high.

The kick is up . . .

The kick is on the way . . .

The kick is . . .

The kick is . . .

The kick is . . .

NO GOOD!

He Norwooded it, ever so slightly wide right and short, and the Patriots have one of their most improbable, magical, unlikely wins in this entire amazing journey. And so New England rejoices. Gil and Gino holler in unison, "The Patriots win, THE PATRIOTS WIN!" Belichick hugs his kids and refrains from decking any photographers. Caldwell and the Patriots receivers silence all the banshees. Gostkowski gets a moment of his own, one his decorated predecessor surely would be proud of himself. And Brady . . . well, it wasn't his best game, but he just wins, baby. Would you want anyone else? Ever?

Oh, and Schottenheimer? He just gulped down his own tongue.

Notes mode

Ten free minutes for me, 10 free half-formed opinions for you:

1. Three scattered thoughts on the Pats: 1) I love the Jabar Gaffney signing. If he caught 55 balls last year playing with David Carr, he's more than qualified to be a third or fourth receiver for Tom Brady. 2) Stephen Gostkowski hasn't won my confidence when it comes to putting the ball through the uprights, but his booming kickoffs are justification enough for a secure place on the roster. He gives the Patriots a tremendous advantage in field position. 3) I'm glad to see Hank Poteat found work during the bye week, signing with the Jets. I trust he'll be released from Manginiville in time to rejoin the Pats next weekend at Buffalo.

2. The more I hear from Lou Piniella during his playoff stint in the Fox broadcast booth, the more I wish the Yankees had hired him to replace Torre. Piniella is everything the Yankees don't need at the moment - he's rash, temperamental, and judging by his broadcasting gig, shockingly ill-informed. Maybe Joe Torre isn't the greatest game strategist, and perhaps he hasn't a clue how to deal with A-Rod, but for the most part he's done a remarkable job of cajoling the Yankees' egos through the years, and his departure from New York would have been to the Red Sox' advantage. Rats.

3. I'm torn on whether or not I want the Yankees to deal A-Rod. On one hand, retaining The Cooler pretty much assures the Yankees of another tense summer, and further, I dread the thought of them getting, say, a budding ace such as Ervin Santana and a couple of quality prospects in return; hell, Santana straight up for A-Rod would make them a better team immediately. On the other hand, A-Rod's availability makes it more difficult for the Sox to deal Manny, and unless Theo can coerce Anaheim into giving up Santana (unlikely) or Texas into trading Mark Teixeira for the Sox's man-child, then I'm all for bringing Manny back for another drama-filled .310-35-120 season. His bat is worth the antics.

4. Billy Packer long ago claimed Rajon Rondo as his Binky/Mancrush - I'm pretty sure he talks in his sleep about the size of Rondo's hands - but if the Celtics' off-the-charts-electric rookie point guard can play as well when the games count as he has in the first two preseason games, a smitten Tommy Heinsohn might take over the wheel of the bandwagon. Heck, from what I've seen, he might quickly nudge aside Ryan Gomes as my favorite Celtic. While my expectations for this team hover around 40 wins, I'm looking forward to watching them play. I've always appreciated Paul Pierce's game, and Al Jefferson, Gerald Green, Sebastian Telfair, and Rondo will be entertaining despite their raw skills. Now if Heinsohn could just refrain from referring to Rondo in the same breath as Bob Cousy until he's played an actual game . . .

5. I'm not saying Stephen Jackson is the biggest numbskull in the NBA, but if you happened to mention to him that shooting a gun in the air isn't a good idea because, well, those bullets do fall back to earth, I'm pretty sure he'd look at you quizzically, call you a b----, and shoot his semiautomatic way up into the pretty sky again.

6. Judging by the taunts in my inbox, more than a few of you noticed that on my first-round playoff picks, I pulled an A-Rod - yep, I went an embarrassing 0 for 4. I feel like such a know-nothing boob that suddenly, Steve Lyons and Thom Brennaman are actually starting to sound insightful. So as a matter of repentance, I offer this: I think the Cardinals and A's (despite their 2-0 hole) will advance to the World Series, I suggest you bet the opposite, and once you're rolling in dough, we'll call it even, okay?

7. It's a good thing the White Sox let Frank Thomas go before cutting their sponsorship deal with 7-11, or . . . (and let me apologize for this in advance) . . . the Big Hurt might have been forced to change his name to the Big Gulp!!! (I know, I know. Groan. Sorry. I figured at least once I had to put a joke on here that my dad would laugh at.)

8. This probably does little to help my credibility, but as Alexis Gomez was circling the bases tonight, I was scrambling through the pages of the Baseball America Prospect Handbook, trying to figure out just who the hell he is. If the Tigers keep playing like this - and Jim Leyland keeps pushing all the right buttons in between drags on a Marlboro - I'm going to have to concede that all those fawning puff-piece articles on The Wisdom of Leyland might have been entirely justified.


9. The same words rattled around in all of our minds today as the story of Cory Lidle's fatal plane crash unfolded on our TV screens. Surreal. Tragic. Bizarre. Chilling. Yet in times like these, I never know how to string them together properly without sounding trite. So let me just say that my heart aches for his family, especially his 6-year-old boy, and I'll leave the rest to a writer who can comment with much more wisdom than I can.

10. As for today's baseball card:


For Yankees fans of a certain age, I'm sure the shock and sadness of today's events also brought some unwelcome flashbacks to Thurman Munson's death 27 years ago. As someone who still remembers Lyman Bostock's death more clearly than some milestone moments in my own life, all I can say is that I sympathize.