Sam I am

Ten free minutes for me, 10 free throwaway lines for you . . .



1. Two quick thoughts about the Celtics while I worry that someone (Denver? Dallas>) will ruin the master plan by snatching up Sam Cassell on waivers:

• Call it the luck of the Irish, I suppose, but how fortunate are the Celtics that the two pieces they most need to pursue a championship - a veteran big man who can rebound and play D, and a veteran guard to run the offense and knock down a big jumper or two - are both available as free agents with 25 or so games remaining in the season?

• I'm actually more excited about getting Brown than Cassell, if only because Kendrick Perkins has been extra sluggish lately (one rebound against Cleveland the other night). If Perk isn't rebounding and hustling on defense, there's really no reason for him to be on the floor. Truth be told, I'd rather see undersized but remarkably efficient Leon Powe out there over him in most situations.

2. By the way, remind me to cross Marty Burns of CNNsi.com off my reading list. Here's what he wrote recently about the possibility of Antoine Walker getting bought out by the Timberwolves:

If Minnesota did buy out Walker, and he cleared waivers, he would be free to sign with any team (he must be waived by March 1 to be eligible to play for another team in the postseason). The Celtics, Rockets, Warriors and Nuggets are among the clubs that might be interested in his services.

Now, I'm not questioning Mr. Burns's credentials or credibility, and he did couch his suggestion with the word "might," but let's put it this way: There's a better chance Danny Ainge names himself and Doc Rivers the starting backcourt than there is of him even considering adding Hurricane 'Toine to this team.

3. Sure, you mock Tony La Russa and his mighty big brain right now after hearing about his latest look-how-smart-I-am scheme, but let's hear what you have to say when Matt Clement and Joel Pineiro combine to bat .320 with 102 RBIs from the No. 8 hole this season.

4. Can't help but have kind of a what-might-have-been vibe to Rosevelt Colvin's departure from the Pats. He ended up being a steady and dependable player during his five seasons here - don't tell me you haven't wondered if he might have made a difference against the Giants - but it's fair to say he was never again the dynamic speed rusher he was in Chicago after suffering that devastating hip injury in Week 2 of the '03 season. It's to his credit that he somewhat reinvented himself after that injury, becoming a better all-around defender. He was a fine player and seemed like a class act, and I wish him well.

5. Really curious what motivated Jose Canseco, baseball's Typhoid Mary of steroids, to testify under oath that Roger Clemens wasn't at his infamous pool party. It's possible that Canseco's chicken nugget of a brain doesn't have enough storage space left to retain 10-year-old memories. But given that Canseco reportedly is hard up for cash (ask Magglio Ordonez), one can't help but wonder if there's some sort of devious deal at play here. I wouldn't put such a thing past either one of them.

6. I get the sense Joe Maddon wants the Rays to take a chance on Barry Bonds, and why not? Provided he's still taking the right mix of vitamins, the swollen tick of a slugger still has enough left to anchor a Tampa Bay lineup that has a chance to be one of the best in the AL. Besides, after dealing with the clinically insane Elijah Dukes and raging jerk Delmon Young last season, Maddon is well-equipped to deal with Bonds's unique brand of narcissism.

7. Maybe Eagles superfan Arlen Spector can explain it to me, but I don't quite understand why Philadelphia thinks Asante Samuel is a huge upgrade over Lito Sheppard, especially when you factor in the ridiculously fat contract Samuel is going to command. I like Samuel a lot and appreciate that he's been a key to the Patriots defense the past few seasons, but he's not a quote-unquote "shutdown corner." He's smart, reads quarterbacks well, gambles a lot, has excellent hands (with one $(%*#$ exception), and makes more big plays than he allows. But all things considered, he's not that much better than Sheppard, a two-time Pro Bowler, and if the Patriots somehow end up with him as Samuel's replacement, I'll consider it a very shrewd tradeoff by Patriots management.

8. It always make me feel a little older when a player I've enjoyed and appreciated for so many years calls it a career, so in that sense I'm glad Tedy Bruschi is returning to the Patriots; it really wouldn't be quite the same without ol' No. 54 around. That said, here's hoping his role is reduced next season - greatly. Bruschi has obviously lost a step or two the past few seasons - to be honest, it looked to me like Junior Seau has more gas left in the tank - and it is imperative that some how, some way, the Patriots get younger at linebacker next season. I'm glad Bruschi is still here. I just hope they're not heavily relying on him.

9. We know all about Manny's eight-digit salary, but who knew he has a pair of six-digit feet?

10. As for today's Completely Random Baseball Card:



Nope, no relation to Manny.

Our new favorite player

Ten free minutes for me, 10 free mysterious gyroballs for you . . .


1. I've been reading Gammons since I was eight years old, and this little anecdote from a recent ESPN.com column might be my favorite line he's ever written. It's from an item on Atlanta's Jeff Francoeur and how the lifelong Sox fan is looking forward to playing in Boston this season:

Talk about a perfect personality for Fenway Park . . . Team USA players like to tell the story of Francoeur confronting Alex Rodriguez during the WBC for trashing a clubhouse kid who brought him the wrong sandwich.

Seriously, how funny is that? You can practically visualize A-Rod lambasting the kid: "Dammit, kid, if I told you once . . . MR. A-ROD DOES NOT EAT TUNA FISH! NOW GO GET MR. A-ROD SOME *%&$*#*#*#&$&& HUMMUS ON FOCACCIA! NOW, SON!"

2. I'm sure Tom Brady finds the thought as intriguing as we do, but I have to believe there's a better chance of Donald Hayes being hired as the offensive coordinator than there is of Randy Moss playing for the Patriots next season. Not only did he set a league record for dogging it last season, but more than a few scouts think his once-supreme talent is in rapid decline due to neglect.

3. Old friend Antoine Walker is shooting a sizzling 39 percent from the free throw line this season for the Heat. Might be time to ask Shaq for some pointers.

4. After 10 spins on ESPN.com's very cool NBA lottery generator, I had the Celtics ending up with Greg Oden twice, Kevin Durant twice . . . and Joakim Freakin' Noah six times. I've said this before, and I'll say it again. If the Celtics end up with bust-to-be Noah, there's a good chance the next time you see me I'll be dangling from the Garden rafters with a noose fashioned out of one of the retired numbers. (Probably LOSCY).

5. So I guess Peter King's assertion that Belichick's role in the sad Ted Johnson saga would prevent veteran players from coming to the Patriots was just one more of his weekly Dumbass Things I Think I Think, right? Adalius Thomas certainly seems to have no qualms about his new coach's personality.

6. Hmmm, I wonder who Peyton is taking to the prom. (Oh, of course: Chesney).

7. I feel really good about this Sox team - like, say, 98+ wins and a memorable playoff run good. But if I had to rank my list of concerns, it would looks something like this: 1) Closer, obviously. Joel Pineiro seems set to play the role of Chad Fox. 2) Mike Lowell's bat. He was fortunate in the first half and feeble in the second. 3) Jason Varitek's health/durability. Because the less Mirabelli, the better. 4) Julio Lugo's glove. Yeah, it's early, but from what I've seen so far, he's going to be a lot closer to Edgar Renteria than Alex Gonzalez defensively.

8. There are no new "The Office" episodes for another month or so, meaning we'll have to get our pathetic fanboy Beesley fix from insightful articles like this one. Rumor has it that a couple TATB readers were in attendance at this thing, though I'm still waiting for them to report back. You don't think they were charged in violation of my restraining order, do you?

9. In his 2007 Handbook, Bill James projects Manny Ramirez to finish his career with 691 home runs. That's 221 more than he has right now, at age 34. Seems a little iffy to me that Manny will average over 30 homers per season from now into his 40s, but I wonder if this means James is pushing the Sox to pick up his option years.

10. As for today's Completely Random Baseball Card:


Say it ain't so, Craig Hansen. Give us a reason to believe you're not the second coming of Wes Gardner.

Nine innings: 06.21.06

Playing nine innings while pleased that Coco Crisp is finally doing something besides commercials . . .



1. Reaction to Terry Francona's meeting with the young pitchers to tell them they're going to play an important role from here on out: Please, tell me the next meeting is to tell Seanez and Tavarez that they've been sold to the Hiroshima Carp and have 20 minutes to clean out their damn lockers. Seriously, this is great news, perhaps even a decision that we'll look back on as a turning point in the season. Maybe Manny Delcarmen and Craig Hansen aren't ready to assume crucial set-up roles in the sixth, seventh and eighth innings, and maybe they'll take their lumps. But I happen to think they are ready - Delcarmen fastball is still as straight as a javelin, but he's getting his duck-for-cover curve over for strikes, and that's going to make his life much easier. And while I applaud the Sox for being cautious with Hansen, he already has the second-best stuff in the 'pen behind Goose Papelbon, and the immediate needs of the ballclub should supersede any concerns about his youth or inexperience. And besides, they can't really be any worse than Tavarez and Seanez, both of whom seem to pitch well when the score is 8-1 but are Slocumbesque when the outcome is yet to be determined. While I have been anti-Seanez since his first miserable turn with the Sox, I actually still hold out a shred of hope for Tavarez. Sure, he's a headcase, but he's pitched in key roles for good teams for much of his career, and stuff is still quality, Maybe getting into a low-pressure role will help him recover his confidence. But for now it's time to see what the talented kids will do. I felt like the Sox waited too long to bring up Papelbon last year, and an early arrival may have made the difference between winning the AL East and letting the Yankees have their quaint little celebration on the Fenway lawn. Then again, the Sox's history of prudence with their prospects suggests this: they think Delcarmen and Hansen really are ready. And I'd be remiss if I didn't mention Jon Lester, whose build and motion remind me so much of Bruce Hurst that I almost expect him to show up at the '86 Sox reunion next week. After watching his start against the Braves, I'm convinced he is ready to give the Sox more this season than either a healthy Matt Clement or David Wells would. Kinda fun having real, live pitching prospects for once, isn't it?

2. Tony La Russa's warning proved prescient. Boston, with all of its intense passion, just wasn't the right place for shy Edgar Renteria. And while he was a major disappointment last season - his 30 freakin' errors simply cannot be justified by his being "uncomfortable" - I thought Jerry Remy made a great point the other night when he said he thought Renteria was the smartest every day player the Sox had last season. Renteria did do a lot of the small things well - hell, the 'EEI banshees are still yowling about his daring bunt hit against the Orioles that preceded a Papi walkoff - and while I'm glad he's gone, I regret that, for whatever reason, we didn't get to see him at his best.

3. And speaking of intelligent players . . . If one person has said to me recently that Alex Gonzalez is the best defender they've ever seen play for the Red Sox, than at least a dozen have. I usually offer token resistance - Pokey Reese is the best defender I've ever seen play for anyone - but I certainly understand where they're coming from. Gonzalez seems to produce the spectacular on a nightly basis - I love how he slides to pick a grounder in the hole, then pops up and guns the runner out all in one motion - and he's rock-steady as well. He's glove absolutely makes up for his feeble (but improving) bat. And while we're praising the middle infielders here, this is all I have to say about Alex Cora: Not only is he the smartest player on the team - he's a natural to manage someday - but he might be the best pure utility player the Sox have ever had.

4. Remnants from the Twins whuppin', which suddenly feels like a long time ago: 1) The Twins took a ration of crap from the experts for passing on USC righty Mark Prior to take a local high school catcher with a lower price tag with the No. 1 overall pick a few years back. Joe Mauer is making them look pretty shrewd now, isn't he? 2) I wish I got to watch Johan Santana on a regular basis. What a treat. Not only can he overpower hitters, but he seems to take a cruel joy in making them look foolish with his ridiculous changeup. He reminds me of Pedro in his heyday. 3) Few Sox fans probably were familiar with him before this series, but trust me in my minor-league obsessed dorkiness when I say there's no shame in getting beaten by Jason Kubel. He was one of the best prospects in baseball two years ago before blowing out his knee, and even after missing an entire season, he remains the second-best prospect in the Minnesota system behind future Cy Young Award winner Francisco Liriano. (Whom someone should do a decent book about, by the way.) We may not have heard much about Kubel before this series, but good health willing, we'll be hearing about him for years to come.


5. Kyle Snyder looks like what the stork might deliver nine months after Bronson Arroyo hooked up with Big Bird.

6. Take away my Old-School Credentials if you must, but National League baseball? You can keep it. Give me the designated hitter, the rudimentary strategies, the mighty sluggers and the cowering pitchers. Just spare me from watching Curt Schilling try to squeeze his XXL head into an XL helmet, or seeing John Smoltz pop up a bunt to stunt one more attempted rally, or suffering all the wannabe La Russas pulling off double switches and using 42 different pitchers to get through the last three innings.

7. Verrry interesting listening to John Smoltz say during a taped interview in the Sunday night Sox-Braves game that he'd be open to a trade if it "were for the betterment of the Braves organization." I've always thought Smoltz was pretty classy (and not in the Ron Burgundy sort of way), but his comments seemed like a disingenuous way of saying, "Get me the hell off this sinking ship." Poor Smoltzie might miss the playoffs for, what, the first time in 16 years? Rough life, man. That said, if he really is available, you better believe he'd be at the top of my Red Sox Wish List, ahead of Dontrelle Willis (if he's healthy at 30, I'll be shocked), Jason Schmidt (if he's healthy in September, I'll be shocked), and pretty much any other available starter. I imagine Yankees fans would say the same thing, which could set up a hell of a bidding war.


8. I'm happy for 'Toine, who earned his championship ring with a disciplined (for him) 11-rebound effort last night. I'm happy for Dwyane Wade, who I do not hesitate to say is one of the finest and most likeable all-around basketball players I've ever seen. And I'm happy for Shaq, if only because he won without the Ego Twins, Kobe and Phil. But anyone who watched these Finals and is not disgusted by how slanted the refereeing was toward the Miami Heat is either A) Pat Riley, B) One of David Stern's scriptwriters. I'm not a conspiracy theorist, but when you see Wade falling to the ground without being touched or Shaq plowing into his defender's breadbasket and getting the call again and again and again, and then you remember that Mark Cuban's name is atop Stern's enemies list, well, you have to wonder if the outcome would be different were the court actually level.

9. As for today's Completely Random Baseball Card:



He's 70 years old, and I'm pretty sure he could still kick every one of his players' asses. Especially Soriano's.