Saturday night's all right for fighting

Quick thoughts while wondering if Bridget Moynihan will get "Moving the Chains" from Santa . . .

• Carmelo Anthony is probably my NBA favorite player to watch. His image may be hip-hop, but his offensive game is decidedly old-school, especially his gorgeous high-arcing midrange jumper. And his immense talent is exceeded only by his charisma - the kid's got the easiest smile since Magic. So it is with some semblance of disappointment that I must admit the truth: Anthony a damn fool, and I put it that mildly only because I'm trying to avoid language that some might find offensive. The evidence that there's something sinister behind Anthony's smile has been mounting for some time now: His appearance in the underground "Stop snitching" video in his old Baltimore neighborhood was alarming at best, and he's had his share of maturity issues with coaches and teammates in Denver. But last night was the final piece of evidence necessary to convince this jury. There simply is no justification for his brawl-escalating sucker punch of the Knicks' Mardy Collins last night. A player of his stature should be above that. It's another black-eye for the league in the lingering wake of the unforgettable Detroit-Indiana brawl, it's going to devastate Anthony's when David Stern nails with at least a 10-game suspension, and it ruins what's left of his reputation as one of the league's signature players. What a fool. What a shame.

• I know they've won five in a row, and the never-ending Iverson rumors seem to have unified them as a team. Still, after watching Greg Oden do his man-against-boys thing today in Ohio State's decimation of Cincinnati, I'd just as soon the Celtics tank it, pray the ping-pong balls bounce their way, and position themselves to land the NBA's next great center. He's that good.

• My record of predicting Patriots games this season is about as pathetic as the Texans' won-lost record, so take this with a shaker full of salt, but . . . well, I'm nervous as hell about today's game. I worry that Vince Wilfork's absence will leave a massive running lane through the heart of the Patriots' defense. I worry that Andre Johnson will find the Patriots' decimated defensive backfield to his liking. I worry that David Carr will play at least as well as his fellow Class of '02 draft bust Joey Harrington did a week ago. And I worry about the ability of Tom Brady and the Misfits to move the ball with any effectiveness if Laurence Maroney and Ben Watson are in street clothes. Do I think the Pats will win? Even in their wounded and weary state, I'd never bet against them against a subpar opponent. But this game isn't going to be the automatic "W" it appeared to be when we first glanced at the schedule, and frankly, they could really use an easy one right about now..

• If you ever wondered why Gabe Kapler was so popular at Fenway despite his feeble production, well, we're going to pretend it's not because the chicks dug his pecs. Instead, we like to believe the reason he probably accumulated more standing ovations than homers in his Sox career is because Kapler understood and appreciated what it meant to wear the Red Sox uniform, and articulated that understanding and appreciation remarkably well. Consider his thoughtful comments upon announcing his retirement to take a minor league managing gig in the Sox system:

"I have been thinking about this transition for many years, and believe this to be the right time. This will afford me the opportunity to make an impact in the lives of young men, not only to help them develop as baseball players, but also more importantly, as human beings. I had ample opportunity to continue my playing career, but feel that I can give so much more as a manager and a leader. I feel this decision will be extraordinarily fulfilling to me personally and professionally and look forward to tackling the challenges that lie ahead. I am ecstatic that the Red Sox, which I think is the best organization in baseball, believe in me enough to give me this opportunity. I see the minor leagues not only as a place where I can learn and develop, but I'm going to be rewarded emotionally and spiritually. To have an extreme impact on somebody's life can be much more powerful than hitting a home run."

Yup, I'm pretty sure that's exactly the way Casey Stengel would have put it. Something tells me Kapler is going to do all right for himself in his new career path.

• Man, Gerry Callahan's snide browbeating of Julio Lugo a few mornings ago sure did an effective job of turning me into a Lugo fan. Someone needs to tell the 'EEI zeppelins that Lugo was found not guilty of assaulting his now-ex-wife, and I'd say it's a credit to his character that he was given custody of their children. This is not Wil Cordero, people. I'm not sure why the Sox are so enthralled with him as a ballplayer, but the least we can do is give the person a chance.


• I'm still wondering who's going to be coming out the 'pen with a one-run lead in the bottom of the ninth, but for now I'll give Theo Epstein his props for culling together a relatively deep relief corps by buying low on some previously successful pitchers. Brendan Donnelly likely would be voted Most Likely to Be Found With Sandpaper Taped To His Glove should such a poll be put to his peers, but he's been a very effective setup guy for the Angels through the years, and consistent middle relievers (that's practically an oxymoron) usually cost more than the likes of Phil Seibel. As for J.C. Romero, he's got control problems, both in terms of stuff and temperament, but he's been overpowering in the past, and even during his struggles with the Angels last season, he still retired lefty hitters at around an 80 percent clip. He's worthy of at least a look, and he could end up being a bargain.

• It's funny, but I seem to get just as many comments and emails about "The Office" nowadays as I do about the Sox and Pats. At first I wasn't quite sure what to make of it - the last thing I want is to turn it into my own personal "The O.C./90210," if you get my drift - but I'm pleased to know that so many other people are into this brilliantly written and acted show; it's criminally underrated, both by the Nielsen boxes and the awards shows. (When will John Krasinski get some respect for his nuanced performance as heartbroken good-guy Jim? Or how about an Emmy nod for Rainn Wilson, who becomes Dwight Schrute? And I'm guessing you know how our heart races for the radiant Jenna Fischer, who plays Pam with an irresistible balance of sweetness and subversiveness.) This week's episode, "A Benihana Christmas," was as pitch-perfect as any in Season 3, from Dwight's Christmas miracle . . . to Michael's "bold" Photoshop blunder . . . to Jim's revealing pep-talk . . . to Michael "marking" the waitress . . . to Karen and Pam teaming up to take down Angela. This show is so consistently, gut-bustingly hilarious, I almost forget about the underlying theme of loneliness. You might even say it gives me goosebumps.

And don't forget John Lowenstein

Whoa, check it out! It's a weekend edition of the long-lost Random Lists of Five . .


The five leading rushers on the record-setting 1978 Patriots:
1. Sam Bam Cunningham: 199 carries, 768 yards, 3.9 average, 8 TDs
2. Andy Johnson: 147-675-4.6-3
3. Horace Ivory: 141-693-4.9-11
4. Steve Grogan: 81-539-6.7-5
5. Don Calhoun: 76-391-5.1-1

Five receivers chosen in the second round by the Patriots.
1. Bethel Johnson, '03 (fast and clueless)
2. Tony Simmons, '99 (fast and clueless)
3. Kevin Lee, '94 (busted his jaw in preseason and is still on IR as far as I know.)
4. Deion Branch, '02 (fast, smart, fearless, clutch . . . and rich.)
5. Chad Jackson, '06 (fast and clueless so far . . . but there's hope)


Five players drafted ahead of Kalamazoo's own Derek Jeter and his barely pubescent intangibles in the 1992 MLB draft. (Cap'n' Jetes went sixth, to Team Beelzebub.)
1. Phil Nevin, 3b, Houston Astros (Astros scout Hal Newhouser quit after his pleas to pick Jeter were ignored)
2. Paul Shuey, RHP, Cleveland Indians (whatever happened to him, anyway?)
3. B.J. Wallace, LHP, Montreal Expos (never made the majors)
4. Jeffrey Hammonds, OF, Baltimore Orioles (Charismatic underachiever, he was compared to Rickey Henderson while at Stanford. Turned out he wasn't even Steve Henderson)
5. Chad Mottola, OF, Cincinnati Reds (Quadruple-A lifer who had a cup of coffee with the Jays this season at age 34.)

Five best episodes of The Office:
1. Casino Night (Watch it again. There is not a wasted word or moment in the seamless, Steve Carell-penned script. I dream of writing something that good someday. Once.)
2. Booze Cruise (Krasinski deserved an Emmy nod alone for his performance during the famous deck scene that featured 30-something seconds of silence.)
3. Diversity Day
4. Boys and Girls (You know how we feel about Jenna Fischer - Hi there! Meow! - but even someone who doesn't find her as lovely as TATB does must admit that she never fails to capture Pam's anguish/vulnerability with subtle brilliance.)
5. The Merger (Best line of many: "Wow, you're exotic-looking. Was your dad a G.I.?" Also: "Hi, I'm Jim." Perfectly in character for the situation.)

Five Maine Guides only me and Steve Buckley have heard of:
1. Steve Marsden
2. Doug Simunic
3. George Cecchetti
4. Barry Brunenkant
5. Wil Culmer (the original Pedro Cerrano)


Five wild 'n' crazy characters on the otherwise forgettable 1975 Cleveland Indians:
1. Oscar Gamble and his kick-ass 'Fro
2. The Eck
3. Boog Powell
4. Blue Moon Odom
5. Gaylord Perry

Five favorite sports talk radio shows (in no particular order):
1. The V Show, late-night weekends, ESPN (Bob Valvano is affable and reasonable)
2. Mike Felger Show, ESPN 890, Boston (Felger makes fun of himself enough to make up for the Corey Dillon-is-mean-to-me melodrama; a hell of an alternative to the Big Blow on 'EEI)
*3. The Home Team, WGAM 900, Nashua, N.H.
*4. The Shootaround, WZON 620, Bangor, Me.
*5. The Sports Zone, WTPL 107.7, Concord, N.H.
* - Blatantly sucking up because TATB is/has been a regular guest. And we're always looking for more . . .

Five best NFL teams I've ever seen:
1. 1994 San Francisco 49ers (So ridiculously stacked, Ed McCaffrey and Wesley Walls were scrubs.)
2. 1985 Chicago Bears (Lose points here for stiffing Payton in the Super Bowl.)
3. 1992 Dallas Cowboys (Back when Emmitt could really dance.)
4. 1978 Pittsburgh Steelers
5. 2004 New England Patriots (Will history give them their due?)

Five best NBA teams I've ever seen:
1. 1985-86 Boston Celtics (Walton hitting Bird on a backdoor cut. Basketball poetry.)
2. 1986-87 L.A. Lakers (Magic's best all-around season, and Worthy and Byron Scott were in their prime.)
3. 1982-83 Philadelphia 76ers (If you never saw Andrew Toney before he got hurt, you missed out.)
4. 1984-85 L.A. Lakers. (Gotta give 'em credit for getting over the hump and taking the Celtics out in 6.)
5. 1995-96 Chicago Bulls (72 wins? Ah, I say the '86 Celts beat 'em in 5.)

Five defensive backs Belichick and Pioli were brutally wrong about:
1. Brock Williams (waste of a third-rounder in '01)
2. Dexter Reid
3. Guss Scott (though injuries have robbed him of a legitimate chance)
4. Antonio Langham (God, was he terrible)
5. Tommy Knight (a first-round pick of the Cardinals in the '90s . . . in other words, he had no chance.)

Five players the Sox should pursue instead of Lugo and Drew:
1. Eric Gagne (isn't anyone going to close next year?)
2. Dave Dellucci (ideal 350-at bat stick off the bench)
3. Mark Teixeira (among all the Manny rumors, this is the most intriguing)
4. Brad Lidge (but not as a closer - he's too jittery post-Pujols - and certainly not in a deal for Manny)
5. Some anonymous middle reliever who will work cheap and deliver a sub-3.50 ERA. (Ah, those guys don't exist, do they?)

Five coolest members of Phi Slamma Jamma:
1. Benny Anders (he's the Jheri-curled flash who misses a steal by thismuch right before Lorenzo Charles's famous dunk, and one of basketball's all-time enigmas. )
2. Larry "Mr. Mean" Micheaux
3. Akeem Olajuwon (pre-H)
4. Michael Young (Celtics first-rounder who was beaten out as a rookie by Rick Carlisle)
5. Alvin Franklin (much was made about the revelation that he didn't know where the library was on the Houston campus. Not sure that would be news nowadays.)


Five favorite Bruins (and remember, we're too young for Orr):
1. Cam Neely (the ideal Bruin and a better man whose lasting legacy has nothing to do with hockey)
2. Terry O'Reilly (he shoulda been from Southie)
3. Stan Jonathan (all-time favorite goon, though John Wensink is a close second)
4. Adam Oates (there's always room for a natural passer on our team)
5. Bob Beers (Mighty UMaine's own, and let's just say he had the reputation of living up to his last name)