Friday, April 21, 2006

Blame Canada

Playing a spontaneous, real-time Nine Innings while watching the Sox piss away a 6-2 lead in the eighth inning . . .

1. Whoa, check out! A Manny Ramirez sighting! Now that we know that Manny is indeed going to hit a home run this season (whoops, there goes another one . . . make it two), can the 'EEI mouthbreathers please get back to much more pressing matters, such as yowling about the backup catcher and the fourth freakin' outfielder, spinning Bronson Arroyo's numbers to make him sound like the modern day Babe Ruth, and - this is the important one, so listen up, Tubby - dropping to your knees and praying to the great Marconi in the sky that the rumor isn't true and the Sox radio rights don't end up with WBOS. Because then you might finally discover that those ratings you are always crowing about reflect more on the teams you are affiliated with than the talent-free buffoons you employ.

2. Mark Loretta reminds me a lot of Bill Mueller, and I think every Sox fan would agree that such a statement is high praise.

3. I've been a fan since his Sea Dog days, but I'm beginning to suspect A.J. Burnett is Matt Clement with a $55 million contract and a chronically sore elbow.

4. I usually think Jerry Remy's analysis is spot-on, but I had to disagree with him tonight. I have no doubt Beckett was trying to nail Aaron Hill the half inning after Alex Gonzalez got his by a Jason Frasor curveball. He took a little off his fastball and hit the bull's-eye on Hill's shoulder, pretty much what a pitcher is taught to do when he's trying to send a message or exact some sort of silly revenge. Whether it was intentional or not though, it jostled awake the Jays, and three homers later we might have had our first instance of Beckett's alleged immaturity hurting the ballclub.

5. If it were revealed tomorrow that Don Orsillo is not really human, but a vinyl-covered automaton whose "voice" is nothing but appropriate snippets of Sean McDonough's old broadcasts, well, let's just say that the only surprise would be that Remy didn't give the secret away long ago by shilling toy OrsilloBots on his ubiquitous website.

6. Doom-and-gloom prediction: Mike Timlin will be pitching far less meaningful innings a month from now.

7. According to reader Eric K., Wily Mo Pena repeatedly referred to Ron "Papa Jack" Jackson as "Papa John" during a pregame radio interview the other day. Wily Mo must have been impressed when he met him: "You mean he's a hitting coach AND a pizza maker? That's awesome, cat!"

8. Heaven knows the Sox have made some marginal Blue Jays look like All-Stars in recent years (yeah, we mean you, Johnson, and that goes double for you, Lilly) but there is absolutely no shame in getting beaten by Vernon Wells. If he's not the best all-around outfielder in the American League, he's on a very short list. What a player.

9. As for today's Completely Random Baseball Card:

How's this for a segue: I'll check in tomorrow with a player-by-player wrapup of the Celtics. You know, for the seven of you that actually care. Hey, there's a reason I saved it for the weekend.

(Sox lose in 12, 7-6. Not to get all technical and Baseball Prospectus-ish on you, but Rudy Seanez sucks. Ah, well. Hope Remy remembers to unplug Orsillo before he takes off.)

Oh, and what the hell - one more Completely Random Baseball Card just for the fun of it:

Moseby, the Jays' center fielder during their first winning seasons, was outstanding for a time, but Wells is the player he was supposed to be.

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