Saturday, February 11, 2006

Random Lists of Five 02.10.06

Why five? Because four is never enough, and six is obviously self-indulgent, you dummy.

Why lists? Because Chad Finn is tired, and when Chad Finn is tired he starts talking in the third person, throwing around even more profanity than usual, and struggling to form coherent sentences. In conclusion, if you don't like lists, Chad Finn says you can go *$*#((@(*#**@**@****#*&@&& sand.

So there. Oh. yeah, if we have enough fun with this, we'll make it a recurring feature. Consider this the test drive. Here goes:

Five Sox Phenoms Who Proved To Be Flashes In The Pan:
1. Ted Cox
2. Phil Plantier
3. Kevin Morton
4. Sam Horn (sorry, big fella)
5. Rey Quinones

Five Hotshot Red Sox Prospects Who Never Saw The Inside Of Fenway Without A Ticket:
1. Juan Bustabad
2. Jeff Ledbetter
3. Otis Foster
4. Andy Yount
5. John Curtice

Five Who Did, But Sure As Hell Shouldn't Have:
1. Bobby Sprowl
2. Marc Sullivan
3. Greg Blosser
4. Mike Brown
5. Jeff Sellers

Five Players Sox Management Let Get Away Too Soon (Rocket, Pudge and the Babe Excluded):
1. Cecil Cooper
2. Ellis Burks
3. The kid third baseman Lou Gorman traded for Larry Andersen and three hoagies
4. Bruce Hurst
5. Ben Oglivie

Five Outstanding Patriot Linebackers Who Don't Get Their Due:1. Clayton Weishuhn
2. Don Blackmon
3. Johnny Rembert
4. Lawrence McGrew
5. Rod Shoate

Five Sox Players TATB Admired For Reasons We Can't Logically Explain:
1. Butch Hobson
2. Chico Walker
3. LaSchelle Tarver
4. Pat Dodson
5. Sam Bowen

Five Well-Known Players Whom You Probably Forgot Played For The Sox:
1. Willie McGee
2. Tim McCarver
3. Juan Marichal
4. Dan Petry
5. Kevin Mitchell

Five Celtics Guards Who Still Have Nightmares About Andrew Toney:
1. Quinn Buckner
2. Gerald Henderson
3. Ray Williams
4. Chris Ford
5. Danny Ainge

Five Most Despicable ESPN Personalities:
1. Stuart Scott, SportsCenter anchor
2. Stuart Scott, NFL Countdown host
3. Stuart Scott, would-be "slam" poet
4. Stuart Scott, Dream Job host
5. Stuart Scott, butt-kisser to the stars

Five Reasons 'The Office' Is The Best Show On Television And, No, I Don't Want To Hear About The British Version Because This Stands On Its Own, Dammit:
1. Jenna Fischer (Pam), perfectly cast as the beautifully plain Girl Next Door/Office Crush who can't quite muster up enough self-esteem to leave her hapless fiance and admit she has feelings for Jim. As you can tell by this picture, they do a nice job of hiding the fact that she's ridiculously hot in real life.
2. John Krasinski (Jim), who effortlessly pulls off the pivotal role of the affable slacker pining for Pam. He's the heart of the show, and me and Mrs. Gretzky are both betting that he soon emerges as the next bankable male romantic comedy movie star now that John Cusack is so damn bloated and creepy.
3. Steve Carell (Michael), who's over-the-top and hammy where the rest of the cast is layered and subtle, yet he brings the right dose of sentiment to his scenery-chewing role as the painfully inept boss.
4. Rainn Wilson (Dwight), a dead-on amalgam of every annoying, condescendingly nerdy, slightly berserk colleague you've ever been forced to share workspace with.
5. A supporting cast of hilarious, vivid, well-drawn characters, many of whom are portrayed by members of the show's writing team. Seriously, even if you loved the British version, this is great in its own right. Give it a chance, wankers.

Five Best Jack Johnson Tunes:
1. Never Know
2. Flake
3. Wastin' Time
4. Symbol In My Driveway
5. Taylor

Five Anti-Bradys:
1. Tony Eason
2. Matt Cavanaugh
3. Marc Wilson
4. Scott Secules
5. Michael Bishop

Five Ways Our Very Own "Buckethead" Is Linked To The Greatest Players Of All-Time (aka Six Degrees of Rodney Craig):
1. Rod Craig played with Mario Mendoza for the 1979 Seattle Mariners; Mario Mendoza played with Willie Stargell for the 1974 Pittsburgh Pirates; Willie Stargell played with Vern Law for the 1967 Pittsburgh Pirates; Vern Law played with Ray Mueller for the 1950 Pittsburgh Pirates; Ray Mueller played with Babe Ruth for the 1935 Boston Braves
2. Rod Craig played with Steve Carlton for the 1986 Chicago White Sox; Steve Carlton played with Tracy Stallard for the 1966 St. Louis Cardinals; Tracy Stallard played with Ted Williams for the 1960 Boston Red Sox
3. Rod Craig played with Larry Milbourne for the 1980 Seattle Mariners; Larry Milbourne played with Jim Colborn for the 1978 Seattle Mariners; Jim Colborn played with Hank Aaron for the 1975 Milwaukee Brewers
4. Rod Craig played with Neal Heaton for the 1982 Cleveland Indians; Neal Heaton played with Barry Bonds for the 1989 Pittsburgh Pirates
5. Rod Craig played with Ted Cox for the 1980 Seattle Mariners