Sunday, February 12, 2006

I just want to be your everything

New column coming Sunday night - with actual sentences and paragraphs and everything! In the meantime, let's play a few more rounds of Random Lists of Five.

(Your feedback, overwhelmingly positive regarding yesterday's debut effort, is much appreciated. I'll imagine I'll use this format as a recurring feature, at least on days where I don't have a chance to write anything substantial.)

Five College Basketball Players I Loved Watching:
1. Danny Manning, Kansas (I've never seen one player carry a team like he carried the unranked Jayhawks to the '88 title)
2. Chris Jackson, LSU
3. Carmelo Anthony, Syracuse (one year does make a career)
4. Bo Kimble, Loyola Marymount
5. Kenny Anderson, Georgia Tech (better as a freshman in college than he ever was as a Celtic)

Five Coulda-Been-Greats Who Passed Away Far Too Soon:
1. Reggie Lewis (can you believe he'd be 40 this year?)
2. Lyman Bostock
3. Len Bias
4. Pelle Lindbergh
5. Joe Delaney (Chiefs' star running back in early '80s drowned trying to rescue three children.)

Five Patriots Running Back Who Lost Their Legs In A Hurry:
1. John Stephens
2. Leonard Russell (getting stabbed didn't help)
3. Marion Butts (ran like he ate Jerome Bettis)
4. Craig James
5. Corey Dillon (????)

Five Movies The Remote Always Seems To Stall On:
1. Boogie Nights
2. Swingers
3. Dazed and Confused ("I'm here to drink some beer and kick some ass. Look like we're about out of beer.")
4. Office Space ("Why should I change my name? He's the one who sucks.")
5. Almost Famous (for the Tiny Dancer scene and Billy Crudup's underrated performance)

Five White Stiffs, Celtics Edition:
1. Greg Kite
2. Eric Fernsten
3. Brett Szabo (an M.L. Carr favorite during the ill-fated Tanking It For Tim Duncan campaign, he probably wasn't good enough for the CBA)
4. Steve Kuberski
5. Veal Scalabrine

Five Songs On The TATB iPod That Will Convince You I Don't Deserve To Have Eardrums:
1. "I Just Want To Be Your Everything," Andy Gibb (He died of a broken heart, you know. Bleepin' Victoria Principal, you she-devil. Oh, and I guess the "Scarface"-sized piles of coke he inhaled did him in too. I know way too much about Andy Gibb, don't I? See, it's admissions such as this that make me glad the site's "comments" section is disabled.)
2. "Dancing Queen," Abba (SHUT UP!!!)
3. "Celebrity Skin," Hole (Song is catchy as hell, but I hate liking anything that makes money for that evil shrew Courtney Love.)
4. "Semi-Charmed Life," Third-Eye Blind (I'm not sure what Stephan Jenkins's greatest accomplishment was; that he had temporarily huge career as a frontman despite a singing voice that suggests he's clinically tone deaf, or that he bagged Charlize Theron. Too close to call.)
5. "Vacation," The Go-Gos. (Before you mock them for being '80s bubblegum, do a little research. You won't have to peck around Google for long to find out that being one of their groupies was a rewarding experience.)

Five Buffett Tunes That Will Help Me Get Through This Alleged Nor'easter:
1. Trying To Reason With Hurricane Season
2. A Pirate Looks At 40 (". . . Made enough money to buy Miami/But I pissed it away so fast . . .")
3. Banana Republics
4. Grapefruit-Juicy Fruit
5. One Particular Harbor

Five Talent-Free Red Sox Outfielders, Lou Gorman Era:
1. Kevin Romine
2. Randy Kutcher (popular with the fans, but it's a crime they traded Hendu for him)
3. Bob Zupcic (might have been the worst corner outfielder ever to get over 300 at-bats in a season)
4. Wayne Housie
5. Herm Winningham (more like Losingham. HAHAHAHAHAHAH!)

Five Talent-Free Red Sox Infielders, Dan Duquette Era:
1. Jeff Manto
2. Esteban Beltre
3. Andy Sheets (a poor man's Mike Benjamin)
4. Ed Sprague
5. Arquimedez Pozo

Five Best Cornerbacks I've Seen Play For The Patriots, In Order Of Rank:
1. Mike Haynes
2. Ty Law
3. Raymond Clayborn
4. Maurice Hurst (a fine player sentenced to play for some awful teams)
5. Ronnie Lippett (slim pickings; Ellis Hobbs could make this list soon)

Five Names Roger Clemens Suggested (And Debbie Clemens Shot Down) For Their Goofy "K" Kids:
1. Kielbasa
2. KlamKake
3. KrispyKreme
4. Krabrangoon
5. Steve