Friday, February 10, 2006

Dollars to donuts

Ten free minutes for me, 10 free half-formed rants for you . . .

1) A sappy, sentimental video? C'mon, that's the best the Sox' crack staff of PR honchos can do? If the Red Sox really want to win Roger Clemens's black little heart, they should start by sending him a year's supply of Krispy Kremes and a Brinks truck loaded with unmarked bills.

2) After watching the club-footed hijinks of shankmasters such as the Colts' Drunken Idiot Mike Vanderjagt and Seattle's Josh Brown in the playoffs, is it out of the realm of possibility that some team will give restricted free-agent Adam Vinatieri an offer he can't refuse? I know the Cowboys consider kickers to be disposable parts, but the Tuna did bring Vinatieri into the league, and we know how fond he is of His Guys. (Yup, I'm paranoid.)

3) I get a kick out of the Bruins semi-fans and 'EEI mouthbreathers who are proclaiming Tim Thomas the goalie of the future. Sure, Thomas has been the team's saving grace since his recall from Providence, and his rise from obscurity is a cool story. But this is no kid we're talking about. He's a journeyman who's making the most of his first legit chance, but he's a journeyman for a reason. It's foolish to think he's suddenly turned into Ken Dryden. To put it another way: I wrote a magazine feature about him when he was at UVermont and I was at UMaine. I'm 36.

4) My crystal ball - which, strangely enough, is held together by red seams - tells me that Mike Lowell will bounce back big-time. So will Curt Schilling. As for Keith Foulke? Sad to say, but he'll be on the Ramiro Mendoza Memorial Ongoing Rehab Stint For Pitchers Gone Bad for much of the summer. To paraphrase Beck: Baby, he's a lost cause.

5) Was it just me, or were you infinitely more bummed about the ending to the Patriots' season after the Super Bowl than you were in the immediate aftermath of that disastrous night in Denver? It's arrogant to say, but we've become so accustomed to watching our Patriots rejoice and celebrate and hoist the Lombardi Trophy and do the "I'm going to Disney World" routine that it was bizarre and a little bit jarring to watch the Steelers revel in their championship moment. I admit, I felt a twinge of jealousy. If we as fans feel this way, imagine how the Pats players must feel.

6) How predictable was it that Vegas would make A-Rod Manning and the Colts the early favorite to win the 2007 Super Bowl? This predictable: Janet Jones-Gretzky has already dropped $500K on Indy. (Rimshot! And if you think this was an excuse to run a picture of the lovely Mrs. Great One . . . well, y'all know me too well, peeps.)

7) Perhaps my optimism is buoyed by the knowledge that spring training is on the horizon. But the more consideration I give it, the more I believe that with a few reasonable breaks, the Red Sox could be scary good this season. (And if you want more insight than that, you're just going to have to buy the book. How's that for a teaser?)

8) Maybe Marcus Banks truly was so lazy and undisciplined that he was beyond help; the Celtics certainly portrayed him as such before and after The Trade. But the kid's talent is undeniable. If he learns to subjugate his own game and figures out the whole selfless point guard thing in Minnesota - big "if" to be sure, yet a reasonable one - I'd consider that nothing less than a damning indictment of Doc Rivers. If there's one thing he should be able to teach, it's point guard play, particularly considering Doc had to overcome a shoot-first mentality at the position himself after coming to the NBA out of Marquette.

9) If Danny Ainge had done the prudent thing (and we say that with the benefit of 20/20 hindsight) and kept Darius Songaila, we likely never would have become acquainted with Brian "Veal" Scalabrine. I, for one, could live comfortably with that arrangement.

10) As for today's Completely Random Football Card:

As several readers pointed out after my Pro Football Hall of Fame post the other day, ol' Gino is one more ex-Patriot who never got his appropriate due from the voters. Please explain, Dr. Z.