Friday, February 17, 2006

And don't forget Rogelio Moret

Back by popular demand - not to mention my inability to formulate a complete sentence on two hours' sleep - it's the Random Lists of Five . . .

Five Basketballers I Wish I Could See Play Again:
1) Larry (duh)
2) Magic (so Larry can beat him)
3) Bernard King (the single greatest midrange scorer I've ever seen, and he was damn tough even after he blew out his knee)
4) David Thompson (brought down by cocaine and the staircase at Studio 54, but in his youth he had every ounce of Michael Jordan's ability)
5) George Gervin (there will never be another quite like the Iceman)

Five Current Basketballers I Can Do Without (a.k.a. Don't Hate The Game, Hate The Playa):
1) Kobe Bryant (he clearly prefers heaving up fadeaways for a mediocre team to playing a starring but occasionally secondary role for a champion; that's about all you need to know about his character)
2) Stephon Marbury . . .
3) . . . and Steve Francis (if Isiah Thomas fulfills the rumor and unites these two overrated, selfish blockheads in the Knicks' backcourt, I'll be convinced that he's either A) had another lobotomy or B) is trying to get Larry Brown to quit so he can coach the team himself.
4) Chris Webber (few shrivel so predictably when the game is on the line)
5) Brian Scalabrine (34 minutes, 2 points against the Cavs Wednesday. Gah.)

Five Red Sox From The '90s Who You Don't Remember Playing For The Red Sox In The '90s:
1) Jim Byrd
2) Gar Finnvold
3) Jim Pankovits
4) Peter Hoy
5) Brian Bark

Five Best David Gray Songs:
1) Sail Away
2) This Year's Love
3) The One I Love
4) Say Hello Wave Goodbye
5) Please Forgive Me

Five Who Would Make My Laminated List:
1) Jennifer Aniston circa 1997
2) Kathy Ireland circa 1987
3) Jenna Fischer circa now
4) Beyonce
5) Courtney Love (just seeing if you were still paying attention there)

Five 1977 Texas Rangers:
1) Bump Wills (Maury's kid looked like a future star, and then like that he was gone)
2) Adrian Devine (sounds like a stripper)
3) Mike (The Human Rain Delay) Hargrove
4) Claudell (Why The Long Face?) Washington
5) Dock Ellis

Five Best Damn Patriots, Period:
1) John Hannah
2) Tom Brady (Hannah was the best ever at his position. Brady isn't, but . . . )
3) Mike Haynes
4) Andre Tippett
5) Ty Law

Five Best Hockey Players I Saw/Covered In College:
1) Paul Kariya, Maine (100 points as a freakin' freshman)
2) Brian Rolston, Lake Superior State (a fine NHL player, sure, but back in the day I'd have bet Janet Gretzky that he'd be a mortal-lock superstar)
3) Brendan Morrison, Michigan
4) Jamie Ram, Michigan Tech (only got a cup of Tim Horton's in the NHL, but he was consistently sensational for a lousy college team)
5) Anson Carter, Michigan State

Five Who Snorted Away Their Talent:
1) Gooden and Strawberry (basically the same sordid tale)
2) Don Rogers (hard-hitting Browns safety - think Lawyer Milloy - died of a cocaine overdose in 1986)
3) Steve Howe (off-field stuff overshadowed that he was a truly dominating lefty reliever)
4) Boston's ultimate What-Might-Have-Been, Len Bias . . .
5) . . . and about a half-dozen of his classmates from the 1986 NBA Draft.

Five Songs That Make My 2-Year-Old Daughter Dance (And By Dance I Mean Run 500 High-Speed, Sugar-Fueled Laps Around The Dining Room Table):
1) "I Want To Hold Your Hand," The Beatles (or as she calls them, "the Beables")
2) "She Loves You," The Beables (I never realized it until I heard the Fab Four through her ears, but their early stuff really could pass for kids' music.)
3) "Heart of Glass," Blondie (Because nothing says "children's music" like a coked-up Debbie Harry fluttering around in a see-through dress. I miss the '70s.)
4) "Suds In the Bucket," Sara Evans (Little ponytailed girl/Grows up to be a woman/Now she's gone in the blink of an eye.) Hmmm, I think the kid is already sending her old man a message.
5) "Dancing Queen," ABBA (And Daddy likes it too . . . SHUT UP, I SAID!!!)

Five Timeless Sports Books You've Probably Read:
1) "Ball Four," Jim Bouton
2) "The Breaks of the Game," David Halberstam
3) "Beyond the Sixth Game," Peter Gammons
4) "North Dallas Forty," Peter Gent
5) "A Season On The Brink," John Feinstein

Five Timeless Sports Books You May Not Have Read But Should:
1) "The Prophet of the Sandlots," Mark Winegardner
2) "Stolen Season," David Lamb
3) "Road Swing," Steve Rushin
4) "The Curse of Rocky Colavito," Terry Pluto
5) "A Season Inside" John Feinstein

Five Proven Pitchers I Wouldn't Touch This Year In Fantasy Baseball With Bea Arthur's . . .
1) Randy Johnson (looking forward to watching him bicker with Jorge Posada)
2) Carl Pavano (His back hurts? Already? Can you say "Ed Whitson"?)
3) Dontrelle Willis (he's a joy and I root for him, but he could hit cleanup in that feeble lineup)
4) Pedro Martinez (no truth to the rumor he hurt his troublesome toe stubbing it on a mango tree)
5) Roger Clemens (he'll pitch, but he's got to get old one of these years . . . doesn't he?)

Five Best Boston Broadcasting Teams (courtesy of correspondent Shaun Kelly):
1) Ned Martin and Jim Woods
2) Fred Cusick and Johnny Pierson
3) Gil Santos and Bob Cousy
4) Johnny Most and Jim Pansulo
5) John Carlson and Jon Morris