Tuesday, May 10, 2005

U gut male

News item: Houston Astros pitcher Roger Clemens tells Jeremy Schaap during ESPN's Sunday Conversation that it's "way too early" to say he'll be with Houston all year, says there is "language in his contract" that will permit him to be traded, shows off his 1999 World Series ring while saying the Yankees are "all about winning" and oh-so-casually mentions that he exchanges email with Derek Jeter and Jorge Posada often.

(Not that he's transparent or anything.)

As it so happens, TATB correspondent/lead investigator/man-about-town Rodney Craig . . .

. . . has obtained one of those emails. Because we here at TATB have no scruples, we offer it to you, the dear reader, in its entirety:

To: "Jeetes" (CaptIntangibles2@yankees.com), "Posada" (Pedrosdaddy@yankees.com)
From: RokitRoger22@soullessmercenary.com
Subject: My master plann!!!

Hay Whats up guys,

Just gut your massage about ARod, Jetes. LOL!!! Your rite - he sux and wishes he was u! Not a tru Yankee like us! Slappy! I wish Id hit him in the hed when he played for seeattle in the play offs that year. Goodtimes. Remembur? Buzzzed him 2twice in a row. Duck, jerk!! Duck agan!!!!!! Made him pee! Not really, but LOL!! He has no bizness yellin an cussin at U, Jeetes! U R the captin! Entanjibulls!

yeh, U bet Ill set Arod strayt when I git traded back, once Mr. Stein-- Mr. Stine-- The Boss gits my clevur hints on Espn and picks up the $21,012,090.13 Im doo on my contract. (Not that Im countin! Ha!) Hay Ive gut an idear - maybe we can git ARod drunk on Zima and dackeries (his faverits! litewait!) and haze him when he passes out!!!! Ill rite "Hit me here, Tek!" on his 4hed in magikmarker! Or with his purpill lipstik! Ha ha!!! LOL!!

Ok bye. Gotta go beet the Marlins. Mmmm, fish. oh, Andy sez hi.

Out like a giambi,

P.s. - oh, yeh, my boys r good, thanx for asking, Jor -- Geor-- Whore-hay. Kobe is going to UofTexis next fall to play ball. (Chip off the ol' blokhed! Hook 'im horns!). Klint, Kletis, Krayola, Kaopectate, Kreatine, Klamdip, Kareem, Kielbasa, Kookooforkokopuffs and Ken are allso doin well playin ball - and in skool too!! Lil' Debbey helps with there home work. she sez i should stik to pitchin and not worry bout the 3 Rs. i think she meens readin, ritin and talkin like a pirat. ARRRRRRR!!! git it? ha! LOL!!! She sez its to late for me any ways. huh?????