Friday, May 27, 2005

Liner notes

Nine appropriately themed songs heard on the kickin' stereo TATB handyman Buckethead Craig (pictured at bottom) installed in my state-of-the-art ark . . .

"Raining On Sunday," Keith Urban
A long-distance dedication to the Portland Sea Dogs, who have already had 9 home games rained out this season and are looking at certain quadrupleheaders come July.

"Trying To Reason With Hurricane Season," Jimmy Buffett
Alternately known as "Trying To Get A Word In Edgewise With That Windbag 'Curt In The Car.' "

"November Rain," Guns 'N' Roses
I know it's hard to keep an open heart/
When even friends seem out to harm you/
But if you could heal a broken heart/
Wouldn't time be out to charm you?

Now, is it me, or is Axl foreshadowing the 2003 ALCS loss, Grady's stupidity, and the Red Sox's ultimate redemption there? Ah, you're right, he was probably just writing about heroin again.

"A Pirate Looks At 40," Buffett
Lloyd McClendon's honest guesstimate at how many games his team will win the rest of the season.

"Blue Eyes Cryin' In The Rain," Willie Nelson
Let's see . . . loved this song since I was five years old. Willie rules. Yep, that's all I've got here.

"Purple Rain," Prince
Coincidentally, "Purple Rain" happens to be A-Rod's favorite shade of lip gloss.

"It's Raining Men," The Weather Girls
Hey, didn't this used to be Jeter's at-bat music?

"Blame It On The Rain," Milli Vanilli
Silly me, I always forget: On Halloween, is A-Rod "Milli" and Captain Jetes "Vanilli," or vice versa? Or do they just go by Rob and Fab?

"Blowin' In The Wind," Bob Dylan
C'mon, after three straight Jeter/A-Rod jokes, you think I'm going to touch THIS one?

(Seriously, is this rain ever going to stop? Ever? I'm beginning to wonder which we'll see first: A crisp, well-played game by the Sox, or sunlight. Either way, I'll be back with an actual sports column Friday night, assuming my laptop stays above sea level. - CF)

"Dude, like what the @$^*'s an ark?"