TATB Live: Patriots at Vikings

Cue the over-the-top Brent Musburger intro:

You're looking live at TATB Headquarters, in the city of lights, Wells, Me., where within this pasty-white, sleep-deprived blogger beats the heart of a champion . . . !

Can you tell I spent the brunt of the afternoon watching '80s Celtics highlights on ESPN Classic? Anyway, I'm here, couch-bound and ready to roll. I'm stocked with Gritty's Halloween Ale and Triscuits, the infant and toddler beasts are snoozing, and I'm pretty sure my wife packed up the cats and left me an hour ago. Either that or she's in the kitchen making snacks.

Against all odds, we've even picked up on a few relevant tidbits during the pregame show:

• Brad Johnson has a higher winning percentage than Troy Aikman and Phil Simms, yet he's the oldest and lowest-paid starting quarterback in the league. In other words, he might be the best journeyman in recent league history.

• Glad to see Gerald McRaney of "Major Dad" fame is getting work again, even if it is under the pseudonym "Brad Childress."

• Michael Irvin wouldn't pick the Patriots to beat the Maine ThunderThighs of N.E. Women's Prison Football League. Tiki was right about him, but we already knew that, didn't we?

• Bill Belichick has cut off the sleeves on his hoodie tonight. He looks ridiculous, like a middle-aged woman heading off to Curves for her afternoon 1/2-mile walk on the treadmill.

• Tonight is the one-year anniversary of Tedy Bruschi's comeback from a stroke. To commemorate the moment, ESPN ran the heartwarming story of Bruschi's meeting with a young Patriots fan with heart problems. It's about the 54th time in the last six months they've shown this. Another 54 viewings or so and maybe then it won't put a lump in my throat.

You betcha I'm ready for some football, Paris! Let's go, you dirty . . .

FIRST QUARTER
Damn, it's loud in the Metrodome - reminds me of the Homer Hanky days during the Twins' '87 World Series run. Hey, is that Les Straker?

. . . well, it's not quite so loud now, is it? Brady goes 6 for 6, the key play being a 46-yard strike to the ever-improving Doug Gabriel on 3rd and 10 deep in Minnesota territory, and a nice grab by Reche Caldwell and his giant freakin' eyes gives the Pats a 7-0. Now that's how you shut 'em up.

Bethel Johnson returns the kickoff for the Vikings to the 31. What are the odds Ol' Million-Dollar Legs, Ten-Cent Head showed up at the Metrodome yesterday morning expecting to have a game?

East Boston's own Jermaine Wiggins with a plodding 10-yard reception on Johnson's first throw. I'm having Snow Bowl flashbacks. And I like it.

Minnesota advances to the Pats 40, where Junior Seau makes a big hit on 2d and 11, and Tully Banta-Cain thwarts the drive on 3rd and 11, forcing a punt. I'm enjoying the Seau rejuvenation (he's leading the team in tackles, if I'm not mistaken), but he does always let you know he made the tackle, doesn't he?

Third and 4 from the Minnesota 16, Brady rolls out under pressure and throws deep down the right sideline to Benjamin Watson, who loses a jump ball to the ageless Darren Sharper. I'd say it's inexcusable, particularly since Watson dropped a pass on previously play (is it too soon to call him "enigmatic Ben Watson" yet?), but Sharper has been making interceptions just like this one for a decade now. Just an excellent player, maybe even a Hall of Famer.

Johnson throws a deep helium balloon to Bethel, who runs the only play he knows: "Run, Bethel, Run!" Three Patriots are there to bust it up. Geez, it's not like they expected him to cut or anything.

Rosey Colvin clobbers Johnson on 3rd and 8, but he dumps the ball off to Tony Richardson (the longtime Chief dating back to the Ed Podolak era, I believe), and Richardson tiptoes his way to a first down at the New England 16. It's gettin' loud again.

Chester Taylor runs a lot tougher than you'd expect someone named Chester Taylor to run. First and goal, Vikings.

I forgot to check during the pregame - is Seymour out? Dammit, where's Mike Reiss when I need him. (Big Sey is dressed, but not starting, Joe Theismann dutifully informs me. Thanks, Joe. Hey, do you think his LT-altered leg aches on rainy days?)

Johnson throws an eephus pitch into Rodney Harrison's bread basket, and the Pats take over at the 2. The interception was so bad, Drew Bledsoe is sitting on his couch right now making fun of him.

SECOND QUARTER
Brady has all day to throw, and his accuracy is as sharp as it as been all season. He's already hit Gabriel four times, and he just connected with Watson on a 40-yarder down the right seam with a perfect throw.

Screen pass to Maroney, who does his Tazmanian Devil thing and gains another 15 yards. He might be my favorite Patriots rookie since Curtis Martin . . . and he might be better. Seriously.

The Patriots offense is just eviscerating the Vikings right now - this time it's Dillon banging his way up to the Minnesota 6. It's like Charlie Weis is calling the plays . . .

. . . and of course, being the jinx that I am, while I'm spell-checking "eviscerate," the drive stalls. Gostkowski delivers the 3, though, and it's 10-0, Pats.

How's this for a Man Law, Burt? Anyone who looks like he borrowed Kenny Rogers's face lift should not be setting policy for other dudes.

Well, it's starting to look like Belichick and defensive coordinator Dean Pees have Johnson solved - he just threw another terrible interception, this time to Chad Scott on a badly underthrown pass. I suspect they're going to force him to throw deep . . . and it sure looks like he can't, and probably couldn't when he was backing up Casey Weldon at Florida St. Pats take over at the Minnesota 40.

Dean Pees? Why, of course he does. (Sorry.)

Nothing doing on this Pats drive. Get Brady gone! He's killing them! Bring back Michael Bishop! Vikings take over at the Pats 20 after a punt, and the Vikings promptly go three and out. Are you on the edge of your seat?

Theismann: "I always thought Dan Marino was the master of sliding around in the pocket and avoiding pressure. Tom Brady does the same thing, and it is remarkable how he remains so composed under pressure." See, sometimes even a blind squirrel with a snapped tibia finds a nut.

Third down and 10 at the New England 23. Brady hits Reche Caldwell on the old receiver screen that Deion Branch ran so well. Matt Light absolutely blows up a Vikings linebacker, and Caldwell manages to keep his eyes in his sockets long enough to sprint all the way to the Vikings 40. Just a perfectly executed play. Are we sure Weis isn't in the house?

Finally, a Fred Smoot sighting. He's like Snoop Dogg multiplied by Captain Stubing.

During the pregame, ESPN showed some NFL Films footage of a miked-up Belichick. At one point, we hear him admonishing Watson to catch the ball with his hands, not his pads. Tonight, two passes have doinked off Big Ben's hands, including one just now at the Minnesota 10. Might be time to go back to trapping it against the body, big guy.

Brady has completed passes to eight different receivers tonight, and the much-maligned wideouts have a total of 148 yards with 2 minutes remaining in the half. I know I say this all the time, but I cannot wait to see how well this offense is clicking late in the season.

Brady, under pressure from both sides, throws a sinker to Watson, who catches it with his hands and rumbles into the end zone, capping an 11-play, 74-yard drive. It's 17-0, Pats, and the way this one is going, we can look forward to a fourth-quarter of forced banter between Theismann, Kornheiser, and Mike "Dorf on Sportscasting" Tirico. It's the price we pay for a Pats blowout, and I'll gladly take it.

Suzy Kolber just told us that Brady, "Is not as commercialized as some other quarterbacks." Meanwhile, Peyton Manning hurriedly issues a press release announcing he's now endorsing every cereal but Wheaties.

So far, the Vikings look like they still think they're playing for Mike Tice.

It's halftime, peeps, and if you think I'm watching Chris Berman's "Longest Three Minutes in Sports," you're sadly mistaken. Go have a Schlitz and a pierogie or something.

THIRD QUARTER
Okay, we're back . . . and so are the same old Vikings, who plod to midfield before again being forced to punt. (The Run, Bethel, Run! play is not working the way Major Dad Childress drew it up. Shocker.)

One thing I forgot to mention during the first half: When Rodney Harrison introduced the Patriots defense on the telecast, he didn't mention a single player by name. Funny thing is, he wasn't even here during the first Super Bowl, when the Pats made selflessness cool again.

Okay, so maybe this one's not over. Mewelde Moore takes a punt down the right sideline, dodging at least four would-be tacklers and making Josh Miller look like a dorky punter along the way, and suddenly it's 17-7, Patriots. If Brad Johnson had shown any sign of being able to solve the Patriots' defense, I might be mildly concerned . . .

. . . but I'm not, thanks to Maroney, who returns the Vikings kickoff all the way to the Minnesota 20. If Dave Thomas (the tight end, not the Wendy's founder) hadn't gotten in his way while trying to block the kicker, he'd have gone the distance. Have I mentioned that Maroney brings great joy into my life?

Brady. Troy Brown. Touchdown. That's how you answer, sports fans. Vintage - VINTAGE - Patriots football. It's 24-7, Pats, and it's so quiet in the Metrodome, you can hear Bryant McKinnie wheezing.

Brady is 20 of 30 for 278 yards, with 3 TDs and a pick, and let me say right now that the numbers don't do his performance justice. This is far and away as well as he has played this season (though he was pretty damn good last week, too), and I'm glad to report to the 'EEI mouthbreathers that his body language is also excellent.

The Vikings stall again, Johnson's pass being batted down on 4th and 3 at the New England 40. How soon before Matt Cassel is warming up in the bullpen?

Hey, just saw that Belichick's kid got busted for weed. Think when his father confronted him about it after picking him up at the police station, he replied, "It is what it is, dad"?

Have the Patriots run tonight? Seriously, I think I remember one Dillon carry, and that's it.

Caldwell catches a receiver screen at the Minnesota 10 and is promptly stripped by Smoot - terrifying words to countless women in the Minneapolis-St. Paul area.

Hey, a Chad Jackson sighting. Did you know he graduated from Hoover High in Alabama, the school featured on the MTV show "Two-A-Days"? I wonder if he had the same ridiculous-looking comb-down hairdo as the rest of those Hoover kids. (And as I'm writing this, Jackson becomes the fourth different Pats receiver to catch a TD tonight, catching a bullet at the Minnesota 5 and scrambling into the end zone. Nice play, rook. It's 31-7, Patriots, and I say bring on the Colts.)

FOURTH QUARTER
The first play of the quarter sums up Brad Johnson's night perfectly: He drops back to pass. He looks deep, only to realize Bethel Johnson is off chasing a tennis ball somewhere. He looks short. Everyone is blanketed. He looks up, just in time to dodge Colvin . . . but another Patriot buries him. In desperation, he throws a pass toward Taylor in the flat. It hits Mike Vrabel right between the 5 and the 0 on his jersey. Interception. Again. Maybe he should be the lowest-paid starter in the league after all.

Robert Kraft. Blue shirt. White collar. Sartorial splendor!

All right. here's the deal. When the Pats pull Brady, I'm pulling the plug on this baby. It's winnin' time for the Pats, and sleepin' time for me.

Twenty-four point lead, nine minutes left . . . and Brady's still in, and he's still throwing. Either Belichick wants the QB and his receivers to get in as much in-game work as possible, or he's trying to teach Childress a lesson for so obviously tweaking him by listing 20-something players on the injury report this week. I suspect the latter.

Heath Evans nearly breaks one . . . but Smoot comes in from behind and pokes out the ball. I'm not even going to attempt a joke here.

Fourth and 5. Brady drops back to pass, gets swarmed, and fumbles. It's unnecessary, and it's also a sign. Get him the hell out, before the catastrophic becomes reality.

And in an item completely unrelated to the last, the line has done a terrific job tonight against the Vikings' vaunted front seven, particularly considering Stephen Neal and Russ Hochstein didn't play. Belichick and Dante Scarnecchia really know the secret to piecing together a cohesive line.

Cassel's in . . . and I'm outta here, but not without a quick summary of the night: Brady (29 of 43, 372 yards, 4 TDs) played like the best QB in the NFL for the first time this season, and not coincidentally, he and his receivers were on the same wavelength all night. This offense could really be something if this rate of improvement continues. And the defense was stellar from the first snap forward - they knew what the Vikings were up to and made Brad Johnson look like Rob Johnson all night. Bottom line, this was an extremely encouraging victory, and one that reaffirms that this team is again a legitimate championship contender. Bring on the Colts, and thanks for reading this far. We'll do it again soon.

Nine innings: 06.06.06

Playing nine innings while wondering if Jason Giambi is really that sweaty, or if it's just the cream and clear burning off . . .


1. You'll be besieged with lots of theories in the coming days about why Josh Beckett is getting slaughtered, and some will even be valid. His fastball is straight. They're sitting on the heater because he can't get his curve over. His command is spotty. He's leaving the ball up and over the plate. His pitching pattern is predictable.

Well, I've got a theory of my own (or at least of the minority) and I'm confident it will eventually prove the correct one:

The batters know what he's throwing before he throws it.

Yep, he's tipping pitches.

Frankly, there is no other logical explanation for what's happening here. A pitcher of his ability and velocity should not be getting hit like this. His arm is sound by all accounds. His stuff is elite, if inconsistent. The fastball that Giambi hit all the way to New Jersey was clocked at 97; the pitch Andy Phillips blasted came in at 96.

Now, there's no shame in getting taken deep by Troy Glaus or Vernon Wells or a re-swollen Giambi; they get paid the big bucks to hit home runs, and sometimes you just have to tip your cap to them. They are among the few men on the planet who can hit a 97 mph fastball even when they don't know it's coming.

But Andy Phillips is not among those few, and when the likes of him, Ben Broussard and Russ Adams are confidently teeing off on him, when you've allowed a career-high in home runs in the first week of June, when Miguel Freakin' Cairo is taking a fastball on the outer half of the plate and pulling it to left, something fishy is up.

The batters know what's coming. They do. And as a quick Google search revealed, it wouldn't be the first time. This is from Beckett's rookie season, in '02:

Beckett will take the mound again today at Philadelphia, hoping to show that the worst drubbing of his brief career last week against Cincinnati was a fluke. He retired just three batters and gave up eight hits and seven runs, which hiked his ERA from 2.90 to 4.09.

"They were hitting it like they knew what was coming," Beckett said.

That might explain the performance. Recurring blisters on the middle finger of his pitching hand have forced Beckett to alter his grip, perhaps causing him to inadvertently indicate what kind of pitch he's about to throw.

Cincinnati slugger Adam Dunn said Beckett positioned his right hand in his glove differently when he was about to throw a curve. Other Reds hitters said they didn't notice the rookie tipping any pitches, but Marlins manager Jeff Torborg and pitching coach Brad Arnsberg were suspicious.

"It seemed like they knew something," Torborg said. "I stood there that night wondering. They hit everything he threw, including a couple of curveballs inside that they should have been fooled on."

Former major league catcher Jim Leyritz stopped by the Marlins' clubhouse last week to tell Arnsberg that Beckett positioned his glove one way before throwing a fastball and another way for a curve.

Arnsberg studied game video for over an hour, trying to spot such disparities.

Sounds familiar, doesn't it? For what it's worth, the Red Sox have dismissed the notion, but there are couple of names in that story that raised my eyebrows. The first is Brad Arnsberg, Beckett's pitching coach during his time in Florida, who is currently . . . the pitching coach for the Blue Jays. You're telling me he hasn't tipped off the Blue Jays' hitters to some giveaway in Beckett's deliver, the way he grips the ball in the glove, something, that gives the hitter the enormous advantage of knowing what pitch is coming? Arnsberg knows the quirks of Beckett's delivery better than anyone with the exception of the pitcher himself. Of course he's spilled the secrets.

The other name that caught my eye in that story was Jim Leyritz. I'm sure you've seen him sitting behind home plate during the recent Sox games in the Bronx, wearing the gaudy leather jacket with the logos of every major league team. He works for MLB.com now, but his loyalties are with the Yankees, he loathes the Sox (since Jason Varitek took his job) and I wouldn't be surprised if he's shared some knowledge with the Dark Side.

Go ahead, call me a conspiracy theorist if you will, but the signal in my tinfoil hat tells me Arnsberg, Leyritz, and apparently just about everyone else in the AL have found a tell in Josh Beckett's delivery.

Al Nipper, Terry Francona and the Red Sox damn well had better get in on the secret.


2. I wish David Pauley had that first big-league victory to show for his fine performance under difficult circumstances tonight. But at least he made it apparent why the Sox brought him up in the first place: While he may be inexperienced (this was the 22-year-old's second start above Double A) and his curveball/changeup repertoire isn't going to wow the guys with the radar guns, Pauley receives high marks from the Sox front office for his composure and competitiveness, and they believed he could handle the bright lights of the Bronx better than certain, more touted prospects. And he did. Best of all, he silenced those shrill numbskulls who derided Pauley after his rough debut against the Jays. The kid may not ever be a major-league ace, but on this night, he showed he belonged.

3. If we didn't realize that Mike Timlin is the unsung hero of the entire ballclub, we sure do now. Seeing Rudy Seanez come into a tie game with the bases loaded and realizing there really was no better alternative tends to have that effect on you.


4. Maybe it's because Yankees fans are insecure and desperate for affirmation, understandable enough given that most of them look like Turtle from "Entourage" (the women included) or Bobby Baccala from the "Sopranos" (wait a minute - that is Bobby Baccala). But man, aren't the Bronx Faithful getting a little carried away with their cloying demand for a curtain call after pretty much every semi-meaningful home run> I thought the second-inning hat-tips by Phillips and (H)G(H)iambi were lame Monday night, but last night's Bernie Williams lovefest after he hit a solo homer in the fifth inning to tie the game at 1 was even cheesier and more than a little pathetic. What's next, a standing O for A-Rod after he homers in the ninth to cut a deficit to 12-3? You'd think Yankee fans would realize that a curtain call is the way to salute those who have delivered in the biggest moments - a Reggie Jackson three-homer World Series game, a David Cone perfecto, Jeter's flip to get the Lesser of the Giambis. Then again, it's been a while since they've won a championship, from what I hear. Guess they've lowered their standards.

5. Loyalty is a trait you'd treasure in a friend, but for a baseball manager it can be a character flaw. I think Francona is a heck of a manager, but I'm convinced he cost the Red Sox three or four ballgames last season by playing Kevin Millar over Kevin Youkilis long after it became clear that Mr. Cowboy Up wasn't going to hit. He played Millar out of loyalty, and to a lesser extent, he's currently making a similar costly mistake by batting Jason Varitek sixth. Varitek, who has struggled at the plate for almost 3/4ths of a full season now, has no business being that high in the lineup, not with Youkilis and Mike Lowell tearing it up. I suspect the injury Varitek had during the World Baseball Classic is still bothering him, and you have to give him credit for gutting through it, but he has been a complete mess at the plate for most of this season. Francona needs to quit protecting One Of His Guys and move him south in the order until his bat is useful again.

6. The "Baseball America" junkies have long told (assured?) us that the Yankees farm system is barren and neglected, and certainly every time a mummy such as Scott Erickson or Terrence Long lumbers north from Columbus, that perception is enhanced. But Brian Cashman and the rest of Steinbrenner's minions, lackeys and whipping boys deserve credit for putting faith in players that weren't considered supreme prospects, but who certainly look like able major leagues now. Robinson Cano received mixed reviews as a farmhand, but he's done nothing but hit since he arrived in New York, and he looks like a future star and Sox tormenter at second base. Chien-Ming Wang has a Derek Lowe sinker, a sneaky fastball, and poise in abundance. And while Melky Cabrera looked overmatched during his recall last season, he belongs now. His catch to rob Manny Ramirez of a homer in the eighth last night is one of the best Web Gems we will see all season, and his heady and alert baserunning in the first inning Monday stole the game's first run, and more importantly, earned a coveted fist pump from Captain Derek J. Intangibles.


7. Our obligatory NFL note: Yes, Bethel Johnson was a bust of a second-round pick, a slightly faster but just as clueless version of Tony Simmons. But for a player whose Patriots legacy is one of Unfulfilled Promise, he sure came up with his share of huge plays, as documented by my Globe teammate Mike Reiss in a May story:

Among Johnson's most notable plays with the Patriots are two kickoff returns for touchdowns -- a 92-yarder against the Colts in 2003 at the end of the first half, and a 93-yarder in 2004 against the Browns on the opening play of the game. He also had a big catch against the Seahawks in 2004 -- a 48-yarder on third and 7 late in the fourth quarter to help the Patriots seal a victory. Two other big offensive plays for Johnson were a 41-yard touchdown catch to give the Patriots a 7-0 lead over the Titans (and ultimately a 17-14 win) in the 2003 Divisional playoffs, and a 55-yard touchdown reception in Atlanta in 2005.

I also recall Johnson reversing field and gaining a crucial late first down in that Titans playoff game in '03. Not a bad personal highlight reel for a player who never really put it together. Makes you wonder what he could be if he ever stumbles upon a clue, though if he couldn't do it playing with Tom Brady, it's probably not going to happen.

8. If Jack Welch is the "Voice of the Fan," then I'm the CEO of a Fortune 500 company. Cripes, he's been popping up on the postgame show more than The Eck recently.

9. As for today's Completely Random Baseball Card:



Here's a frightening thought appropriate for 6/6/06: What if Al Nipper was a better pitcher than he is a pitching coach? (Shudder.)