Sunday, September 04, 2005

Why Joe Morgan Is An Insufferable Idiot, Chapter 2,987,452,876

During tonight's Yankees/Athletics telecast on ESPN's "Sunday Night Baseball," analyst Joe Moron (sure, read that as a typo if you wish) had this to say about A's outfielder Jay Payton:

"He's been very productive here in Oakland, Jon. I really don't understand why the Red Sox would trade a player who's so productive."

Little Joe, we'll gladly overlook your idiotic juxtaposition of reasoning - the Sox shouldn't have traded him to Oakland because he's been productive for Oakland since they traded him - and simply spell out for you the four most obvious reasons why Payton was dumped by Boston:

1) Manny Ramirez, left field

2) Johnny Damon, center field

3) Trot Nixon, right field

4) He was being a Grade-A pain in the "Steinbrenner," becoming so insubordinate in his role as a fourth outfielder that even his teammates wanted him gone.

Good god, the reason Payton was traded is common knowledge to the novice Red Sox fan, and probably to any fan from here to Oakland who has read a sports section in the past two months. Which, apparently, excludes Morgan. There's a shocker.

Once again, we are left to ponder the question we seem to find ourselves asking around this time every bleepin' Sunday: How can Morgan, in his role as ESPN's No. 1 baseball analyst, be so arrogantly ill-prepared week after week, Sunday after Sunday? It's almost like he wears his ignorance as a badge of honor: "I don't need to prepare! I'm Joe Morgan, Hall of Famer, and I played the game, Jon . . . "

One might find it ironic that he's the "expert" for "Baseball For Dummies," considering he ought to be their target audience, but I'm usually too busy either curled up in the fetal position weeping or punching his visage on my TV screen to recognize humor in the illogical.

If you've been paying attention during Morgan's predictably insight-free appearances on "Baseball Tonight" recently, you may have noticed that Karl Ravech tries - without much success - to hide what certainly seems to be blazing contempt for Morgan. It's the only thing that makes the segment worth watching, frankly. We can only hope a higher-up at the network feels the same disgust as the anchor apparently does - and acts on it.

If firing isn't an option, may we suggest pummeling him mute with a copy of "Baseball For Dummies"? Please?

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In a related note, here's one more link to one of our favorite diversionary causes,, though the latest post may do more to fire you up for the upcoming Sox-Yankees series than anything else.

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Just want to say I'm really enjoying the David Wells era, and only partially because we both have a Body By Dunkin' Donuts. He's a one-man pitching clinic when the curveball is snapping and he's on, and today he was on, spinning a complete-game seven-hitter, walking none and retiring the last 12. It was classic Boomer, and the only way today's start could have been better is if he'd removed his hat to reveal a McMahon-style headband with "Bud" written in black marker. Maybe next time.