Monday, August 08, 2005

Real man of genius

Reeeeeeel man of geeeeenius. . .

Today we salute you, Mr. Red Sox radio announcer.
(Mr. Red Sox radio announcer!)

Without your Twain-like gift for storytelling, we'd never have first thought that popup to Tejada was headed for the Mass Pike.
("Therrre's a DRIVE!" )

Like a middle-aged, caucasian, square-as-a-box Chris Rock, you bust this six-state region's guts with unmatched wit and puns . . .
("Tim Salmon would make the All-Fish team.")

The score? Who needs the Sox-Yankees score? No one in New England, that's who!
("Pujols went deep for St. Loooouis!")

While lesser broadcasters explain what's happening as it's happening, you slyly omit details, shrewdly trip over your words, and like a skilled lothario, always leave us wanting more.
(. . . DEEP LEFT! . . . WAY BACK! . .. . AND . . . a foul ball!)

So crack open an ice-cold Bud Light, maestro of the microphone, and make sure Joe locked the booth door. Because someday, some frustrated fan might try to get you "down off the end of the bat."
("Ow! You hit me off the trademark!")

* * *
As for today's Completely Random Baseball Card:

Gotta be Trupiano's favorite pitcher.