Monday, January 31, 2005

A-Fraud speaks . . .

. . . and a Nation snickers.

Not two weeks after he talked some misguided smack about Curt Schilling, Alex Rodriguez, the Yankees' disgraced metrosexual third baseman - not to be confused with their metrosexual shortstop - is apparently flapping his purple lips again.

The subject of a puff piece by Yankees apologist Bob Klapisch on today, A-Fraud tries in his usual transparently disingenuous way to say all the right things, to take the blame without really taking the blame. And as usual, he still somehow manages to come out sounding like a jackbooted egomaniac.

Sayeth the Fraud:

"I thought it was a smart play, and we almost got away with it. We put an umpire in the position of having to turn over a call like that in Yankee Stadium. It gave us a shot. (Umpire) Jim Joyce told me, 'if you'd knocked the crap out of (Arroyo) it would've been legal because he was in your way.' So if I had a chance to do it again, I would've tried to run him over. Even though I probably would've hurt someone with my weight and velocity, dropping my shoulder down." - A-Fraud, on the controversial play in the eighth inning of Game 6. (Quick recap: With the Yankees trailing by two runs, Captain Jetes on first and one out, A-Fraud tried to slap the ball out of Bronson Arroyo's glove after a dribbler back to the mound. A-Fraud was called out for interference and Jetes had to gather up his intangibles and return to first base. The Yankees ultimately lost the game and the series in the greatest collapse in sports history. But you knew all that, didn't ya?)

And one more:

"This is still Jeter's team because he's the captain. But my approach is not to be everyone's best friend. My approach is to win championships. The only way to do that is to be myself, and to take care of my world. With my talent people will follow naturally." - A-Fraud, whose talent has naturally led exactly zero major league teams to a championship.

Okay, so A-Fraud's quotes don't do much beyond offering further proof that his ego is as large as his salary; I suppose they aren't that surprising or inflammatory. Truth is, I threw this bit together just as an excuse to post that photoshopped masterpiece one more time. Kinda helps get you through the winter, no?

Oh, and what the hell. Here's a real photo to warm the cockles . . .

See ya in six weeks, Leatherface. And please, keep talking. The comedy you provide is priceless.