Sunday, June 11, 2006

And don't forget Julio Valdez

New column coming late Sunday night, peeps. In the meantime, what say we crank out a weekend edition of our Random Lists of Five . . .

Five Players Who Should Never Get Booed At Fenway:
1. Pedro (Don't tell me you've forgotten already.)
2. Derek Lowe (Sports Guy nailed it in a recent column when he compared him to Sam Malone.)
3. Nomar (Remember when it seemed like he hit the ball hard every single time up? There were too many good times to let the acrimonious ending ruin his legacy.)
4. Keith Foulke (Someone might want to remind Johnny from Burger King that Foulke was the real MVP of the 2004 postseason.)
5. Everyone else from the 2004 champs that hasn't yet signed with the Yankees.

Five Pitchers Who Were Not The Eastern League Pitcher Of The Year Last Season (Because Jon Lester Was):
1. Justin Verlander, Erie
2. Francisco Liriano, New Britain
3. Jonathan Papelbon, Portland
4. Chris Ray, Bowie
5. Joel Zumaya, Erie

Five Players You Might Not Remember From the Super Bowl 36 champion New England Patriots:
1. Terrance Shaw
2. Matt Stevens (the white Tebucky: Big hitter with no instincts.)
3. Fred Coleman (the third receiver, no less)
4. Charles Johnson
5. Arthur Love (the poor man's Jabari Holloway.)

Five Former Teammates Of Jason Grimsley . . .
1. Lenny Dykstra, Phillies, 1989-91
2. "Corky" Belle, Cleveland, 1993-95
3. Troy Percival, Anaheim, 1996
4. Roger Clemens, New York, 1999-00
5. Rafael Palmeiro, Baltimore, 2004-05

. . . And Five More:
1. Steve Jeltz, Phillies, 1989
2. Alvaro Espinosa, Cleveland, 1993-95
3. Gary DiSarcina, Anaheim, 1996
4. Luis Sojo, New York Yankees, 1999-2000
5. Bruce Chen, Baltimore, 2005

Five Most Similar Pitchers To Bronson Arroyo According To
1. Roy Smith (Former Maine Guide, gem of a guy, not much of a pitcher)
2. Aaron Harang
3. Mike Harkey
4. Garrett Stephenson
5. Alan Benes

Five Most Similar Hitters To Wily Mo Pena According To
1. Jon Nunnally (a brief member of the '99 Sox - Duquette signed about 500 Jon Nunnallys in his tenure)
2. Bob Thurman
3. Brant Alyea
4. Chuck Essegian
5. Roy Foster (yeah, I have no idea who these guys are, either)

Five Songs That Have Popped Up On My iPod As I Write This Crap:
1. "You Could Be Mine," Guns & Roses (Makes me want to break stuff.)
2. "Fake Plastic Trees," Radiohead (Makes me want to break more stuff!)
3. "Symbol In My Driveway," Jack Johnson (Okay, I'm calm now. One of my favorite lyrics: Got my plans in a Ziploc bag/Let's see/How unproductive we can be
4. "When The Stars Go Blue," Tim McGraw (Tug's boy may not have the greatest pipes, but he knows how to pick a cover tune.)
5. "California Love," Tupac and Dr. Dre (Because sometimes, TATB kicks it old school.)

Five Best Books About The Yankees:
1. "The Last Night of the Yankee Dynasty," Buster Olney
2. "Damned Yankees," Bill Madden and Moss Klein
3. "Bronx Zoo," Peter Golenbock and Sparky Lyle
4. "Steinbrenner," Dick Schaap (You think he's a giant dinkus now? Twenty years ago he was a tyrant.)
5. "Man Crush: Of Derek, Mariano, and a Frisky Announcer's Unrequieted Love," by Tim McCarver

Five Random Celtics And/Or Lakers From The '80s:
1. Clay Johnson (a garbage-time superstar)
2. Connor Henry (looked like Shaun Cassidy . . . played like Shaun Cassidy)
3. Chuck Nevitt (the Lakers' answer to Greg Kite)
4. Mike Smrek
5. David Thirdkill

Five 1981 Pawtucket Red Sox, Excluding TATB Hall of Famer Chico Walker, Who Hit 17 Homers, Stole 24 Bases, And Yet Couldn't Get A Fair Shot In Boston:
1. Wade Boggs
2. Bruce Hurst
3. Bob Ojeda
4. Rich Gedman
5. Marty Barrett

Five Must-Read Baseball Writers, Non-Globe Division:
1. Gammons (I love my job, but not as much as he seems to love his.)
2. Bill James (It's this simple: Anyone who belittles him hasn't read his work.)
3. Thomas Boswell, Washington Post (His Sox/Yanks stuff during the 2004 postseason was brilliant.)
4. Bob Klapisch, Bergen (N.J.) Record (consistently well-written stuff about the Yankees and the Mets, and the book he co-authored on the despicable '92 Mets, "The Worst Team Money Could Buy," gets the TATB seal of approval.)
5. Olney

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